grateful for another chance

36 Weeks

2010-12-29T15:01:00.011-05:00

Dear Baby Girl~

Oh sweet love, we are all in such anticipation to finally meet you and add you to our family! We can't wait to see what you look like and how your little personality is surely going to charm us to pieces. In one way it's hard to believe we're getting so close to your due date. But in another way, it seems we've been waiting for you so long. I already feel so blessed to be your Mama. And having the chance to carry you all nestled in my tummy has been a true joy. I have had a quiet awareness during this pregnancy that it will most likely be my last. And despite all the aches & pains I've complained about for several months (mostly tummy aches and heartburn pains), I will remember this time with you with such sweetness. I have always dreamed of having two children close together in age. So baby girl, you are nothing short of a dream come true.

Artwork by Erin Darcy

I so love the way this picture depicts where I am at right now. I saw it on a blog I read a little over a year ago...before you were even a twinkle in my eye. I can remember the way my heart beat with longing to be so richly blessed. One baby hugging Mama tightly, a little piece of this grand gift of motherhood. While another babe grows inside, a mystery and reminder of the way life and love can swell and grow. Your sister has never been much of a cuddler....but, lately she has become very attached to Mama and quite cuddly. I find myself carrying her more and having more snuggly rocking chair breaks during the day than we have in a while. And I have cherished every minute of it (thankfully without hurting my back!).

When I see this picture and remember how it sparked something inside of me, I am humbled into deep gratitude. It wasn't very long ago at all that I knew the true pain of aching arms. I never knew I could hurt so much losing something I never fully had. All the days and nights of wondering if I would ever carry a baby in my belly or my arms. And now to be doing both! It leaves me with no other words than "thank you." Thank you, God, for these gifts of life. And thank you, sweet girls, for choosing us to be with.

Another thing we're all anxious to see is how Zoë is going to react when "sisser" is finally here. I keep telling people that I don't really think she has any idea of what's going on. But, she continues to surprise me by talking about you all the time. She is already able to point out your cradle and carseat. And she knows when I pack away her clothes from the following season they are going to be "sisser's." When I ask her when sister is coming she'll say "no now, soon." But by far the sweetest thing she's done was when I had a doctors appointment the other day. Daddy told her before I left that I was going to "check on sister." So when I got home she ran in the kitchen to meet me, looked me up and down and said, "'ere's sisser?" Where's sister, indeed?! You can see, little one, we are ALL ready for you to be here.

Love,

Mama

Halfway

2010-09-12T20:18:00.005-04:00

Dear Little Bit~

Tonight I am full of anticipation and excitement. Probably the most anticipation I've felt in a long time. For tomorrow, Little Bit, we get a small glimpse at how our family will be changed in just 4 1/2 more months. We've had two sneak peeks at you as a little bean. And oh, how you already have melted our hearts. While there is a certain sweetness in the mystery of not knowing what you are yet....we are all ready to start dreaming of who and what you will bring to our family.

8 weeks

In many ways, this pregnancy has been a lot like Zoë's. I've been very nauseous, tired and I'm already gaining weight all over. I started feeling little flutters at about 16 weeks. And in the past week or so I began feeling full on kicks. Daddy even felt you kick for the first time last night! And let me tell you, it never gets old.

In some ways I am more relaxed and laid back than I was with Zoë. I know what is to come and I know I can handle it. And I know most of my worry was needless. But, in some ways I am even more terrified than before...because I know what is to come and I have no idea if I can handle it while lovingly parenting your sweet toddler sister. I do find much comfort in the fact that so many mothers do this everyday....with much greater challenges that I have. So I think we'll be just fine.

12 weeks

Little bit, you are this Mama's dream come true. Oh, how blessed I feel to be able to carry you so close and nurture you as you grow. And whether you are a little prince or princess you will complete our family.

Love,

Mama

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T20:08:00.005-04:00

I love this quote that I stole from this website:

Whether or not a baby has ever miraculously come out of your body, you are a mother. You have helped mother me, or your sister, or your girlfriend, or your cousin, or your neighbor, or a stranger. You have wiped a tear or a bottom. You have given counsel. You have talked someone you love off a ledge. You have nurtured and natured and gently nudged her to keep going when she was sure she couldn't. You have read a storybook, shoveled a walk, waved across the parking lot, not even realizing you were saving someone's life.

And there was a day in the not so distant past that it would have meant the whole world to read these words. So, to all of you who mother me and those around you without receiving a card today...Happy Mother's Day!

I also love this photo taken by Karen. I think it captures well the peace and joy I get from mothering Zoë. Sweet one, it is my greatest honor to be your mother. Today I celebrate this gift and responsibility. And to all of my mamas, grand-mamas and friend-mamas...I send you all the love & gratitude my heart can hold!

January 2010

2010-01-31T19:22:00.011-05:00

Dear Zoë~

Well sweet girl, you are barreling into toddler-hood at full speed! Every day we are seeing less of the baby you were and more of the little girl you are becoming. And what fun it is! You have the sweetest personality and love to be right in the middle of things. Especially if it involves other children. On more than one occasion you have let out a loud squeal of delight when we've seen children out and about. Which, speaking of, is one reason why I've been looking into Mother's Day Out programs for you next fall. I think we're going to have one very social girl on our hands!

You still aren't really talking yet...although you do "talk" all day long. You jibber-jabber to yourself as you're playing and have a few little sounds you like to repeat (especially dirka and ish-ish). A few months ago you started saying "ca-ca" for kitty cat. This cracks me up because we don't even have a cat! But you love your Cat book so much it's really no surprise. And speaking of books, I don't think there is anything in this world you love more. I'm glad that you're finally doing more "reading" and less chewing on your precious books. (Sorry sweety, you did destroy more than one of your books. Yeah, they pretty much looked like the dog got to them.) But now you love to get all your books out, put them on our laps, read them very fast and then get another one and repeat. You also really love books with flaps and different textures to feel (new parent tip: best baby gift *ever*).

Well, I can't lie...one of my favorite parts of your new toddler ways is your sleep habits. Child, you are *finally* sleeping like a true champ! Shortly after Christmas you dropped your morning nap. Thank goodness this wasn't too difficult of an adjustment. So now you're taking one nice long 2-3 hour nap in the early afternoon. I really missed the morning nap at first...but now I've come to appreciate a longer chunk of time to get stuff done. And your nighttime sleep has drastically improved. For the last several months you've been going to bed very well and sleeping good through the night. BUT you just couldn't seem to shake your habit of waking up at 5-5:30. And that was no fun. Well, it seems we figured out the culprit a few weeks ago...me. I somehow had this idea that you still "needed" a last feeding before you went to bed (What if you didn't get enough to eat during the day? What if you started waking up hungry?). Well Mama learned her lesson. I went out one night and left you & Daddy at home to do bedtime together. And lo and behold you slept until 7:30 the next morning! So, I got real honest with myself and admitted that this bedtime feeding was more about me wanting snuggles & quiet time with my overactive toddler than it was about you needing the milk. I knew it would be happening soon...and I let go without tears. Mostly because I knew there was some serious sleep around the corner! ;) And ever since then you've been sleeping until 7-7:30 in the morning pretty consistently. So nice!

Other things you love:

Dragging things across the room (boxes, baskets, chairs)

Magazines

Seeing pictures of babies

Sitting on little chairs, boxes, gallons of water & basically anything at your level

Other things we love:

When you lean in to give kisses

When you lean your head over to give hugs

Snuggles before your nap/bedtime

When you sing & dance

When you lay your head on a pillow when we ask you to "go night-night"

You still love to be on daddy's back (or mommy's) especially in the late afternoon. You would much rather have cuddles and be held than do your usual romping all over the place right when Mommy & Daddy are getting dinner ready. But you know, we'll take the cuddles any way we can! You've never really been a cuddly baby...and now that you're on the move it's rare that we can get you to stay still. So we'll let you be our little monkey as long as you like...

Love,

Mama

sigh

2010-01-30T13:22:00.003-05:00

Ok, people, I know my deadbeatness is completely unacceptable....But, this time I mean it! I really am going to try and get back on the bloggy train. Now that Zoë is taking a nice 2-3 hour afternoon nap I'm going to try and use some of that time to get back in the swing of things.

New pics and stories to come!! I promise... ;)

Happy Halloween!

2009-11-01T07:45:00.009-05:00

We had fun this weekend dressing up our little "bug" and playing Halloween. She's not quite old enough to trick or treat but we had a good time walking around our friends' neighborhood and checking out all the other trick or treaters. Zoë loves being around other kids so she had a blast. And thankfully she was appropriately dressed in UGA colors so she could "represent" while our friends watched the game.

I've been thinking alot about what we were doing this time last year. Fall always does that. There's something about the slight chill & distinct smell (not that it at all smells the same here that it does in GA or TN) that lures you into remembrance. This time last year we were having our "any day now" moment. I was at my due date and like all pregnant women (with their first child, at least) I couldn't believe I didn't go into labor at 38 weeks. But, I felt good and was actually savoring those final days of pregnancy. I wasn't really feeling the "get this baby out of me" that so many women feel. I knew I had no concept of how our lives would change...and I was enjoying what would be the last of lazy mornings, long dinners and having little "B" snug in my belly.

I know I'm going to say this a million times in the next 50 years....but, I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by. And how many changes! My daughter has already taught me so much about the impermanence of life. If I'm not careful I can attempt to reach back and hold on to this time...or that time...and forget to live in and enjoy the moment we are in right now. It's easy for me to miss being pregnant or miss having a snuggly little infant. But no, there is too much "life" yet to be enjoyed. And every day Zoë teaches me more about not grasping too tight to what "was" and embracing what "is". And what "is" is a budding toddler with a world of personality and a million ways to make me smile.

Life is good...

Goodnight sweetheart...

2009-07-16T22:38:00.003-04:00

Dear Zoë,

Now that you're sleeping like a real person...is it blasphemous to say that I miss you? I check on you every hour or so until I go to bed. And I can't believe how long you look sprawled out in your crib. I made your daddy lower your mattress down a few weeks ago after a traumatic dream I had that you hurled yourself out of it. But, no worries, you are safe from that now. So finally after *several* nights of fussing and crying you have given in to the almighty power of sleep. And no joke, you are sleeping a good 12 hours now. Sometimes you wake for a 4am snack...but, for the most part you are just sleeping away the whole night. So now here we are...all my wishes for sleep come true. And I sit here...alone...missing you.

Love you,

Mama

Letter From the Editor

2009-07-09T09:04:00.007-04:00

Dear Faithful Readers~

I am writing to ask forgiveness for my lack of posting and for keeping you in complete Zoë cuteness withdrawal. I know I have become a dreadful dead-beat blogger and I chastise myself daily for it. Our days have become filled with strolling, lunch with friends, trips to the park & zoo and running errands. And, as usual, our nights are filled with crying, frequent waking and not enough good sleep. We've been busy loving on friends and family...sharing good times and difficult times. And subsequently I've let the days get away from me (only writing blog posts in my head while Zoë is having her usual 2am meltdown). I have several unfinished posts that I'm going to work on over the next few weeks. So keep an eye out in the coming days to see the lost archives of May & June.

And in the meantime, please accept this offering as a contrite token for my bad blogging behavior.

Zoë learns to crawl from Kit Hughes on Vimeo.

Yours truly,

Mama Laura

The Official Shoe of the Hughes Household

2009-05-20T10:23:00.007-04:00

"For every pair you purchase, TOMS will give a pair of shoes to a child in need.

One for One."

Kit and I have become smitten with TOMS shoes. I do hope you'll go to their website and check them out. As the above quote states, they give a pair of shoes to a child in need with every pair that is purchased. And they are way cute and comfortable to boot!

Zoë's First Easter

2009-04-17T17:56:00.008-04:00

We had a great Easter weekend in Paducah with the Hughes family. It was Zoë's first visit to her daddy's homeland. Here are some of my favorite pictures from the trip. Love the ones of Zoë and cousin Sydney! They are going to be fast friends one of these days. Sydney is definitely crazy about "baby Zoë"!

5 Months

2009-04-13T17:54:00.011-04:00

Dear Zoë,

This weekend you turned 5 months old. We've had a very busy month visiting new places, friends and family. I'm glad I am becoming more comfortable traveling and toting you around so that we can enjoy new things. And now that it's finally warming up I am ready to get out of hibernation mode. You really are such a sweet blessing...I'm having a blast sharing you with the ones we love.

Unfortunately our nights are not as much fun as our days. While you are such a happy, content and peaceful baby during the day...for some reason you have not yet gotten the hang of what nights are for. You have been waking up crying every hour and a half to two hours every night for the past three weeks. This sleep pattern coupled with all our running around has left me feeling a little like a walking zombie.

So since Mama is tired and lacking the words to talk about this month...I'm going to let the pictures speak for themselves. Next month we'll be rested and back on track, right girl?

You & great-Narnie at the Northlake Ladies Retreat

Your first trip to the park/ride in a swing with the Hawkins kids

Hanging out with Trent

Still lovin' those feet

One of your favorite things to try and fit in your mouth (besides your feet)

The best (ok, only) way to do housework

Wearing your beautiful sweater made by Sarah P.

Spontaneous nap while Mama was getting ready

Working on "paci-training"

And the smile that convinces me that sleep is optional...

Love,
Mama

Perfect

2009-04-03T16:24:00.003-04:00

Well, nothing appears to be wrong with the little miss. In the pediatrician's words "she's perfect." Good news, right? Of course. But, I do wish we had some kind of answer. She said it *could* be teething...or maybe she really is waking up hungry. She encouraged us to go ahead and start solids in the hopes of filling her up more during the day. I was really hoping to delay that for another month. So now I don't know...

At least she is starting to nap better and in her crib. And although I'm quickly approaching a meltdown of cosmic proportions...really, it's hard to stay mad at one who looks so precious and happy when she wakes up from her naps. Let's just translate it to nighttime now, ok Zo-baby?!

What To Say*

2009-04-01T08:51:00.006-04:00

Things You Shouldn't Say To A New Mother Who Isn't Getting Any Sleep...

1) "All my babies slept through the night at 2 weeks."

2) "If you put that baby in your bed she'll still be there when she's 3!"

3) "You're spoiling her by rocking her to sleep."

4) "I only got to sleep in until 9 o'clock this morning."

5) "Just let her cry."

Things You Should Say...

1) "I'm sure this is just a phase. She'll be sleeping again soon."

2) "Maybe she's teething?"

3) "Call your pediatrician."

4) "This too shall pass."

5) "Would you like for me come over and take care of her while you get a nap?"

*Just for the record, we are entering a full week of disturbed sleep. Zoë has been waking up every hour and a half on the dot all night since last Thursday. I feel like I am slowly falling apart and I have no idea what is wrong with her. She's so happy and playful during the day...I can't imagine that she's sick. But, I'm taking her to the pediatrician tomorrow...because honestly, we can't continue like this. Mommy & daddy need some sleep!

Still believing...

2009-03-31T17:10:00.005-04:00

A year ago today I started this blog and wrote about how I was believing in miracles. Our little one has come a long way...and her mommy has too! Zoë came to us in God's perfect time. She has restored my hope, changed my profession and caused my heart to grow to the point of bursting. And it all started with this first glimpse...

Zoë as a little 8 week bean

Zoë as a happy, healthy, thriving 4 1/2 month old

Outtakes

2009-03-19T20:25:00.007-04:00

Hello little baby...

Mmmmm...let's start with that arm

I always love me some baby toes

Now come on...how about some Penny lovin'

Oh yeah...that's the way I like it!

4 Months

2009-03-11T19:17:00.017-04:00

Dear Zoë,

Today you are 4 months old! We had another pediatrician appointment today and unfortunately you had to get another shot. Oh how mommy hates that cry of pain! Other than the shot the appointment went very well. You are measuring 14lbs 3oz and 25in long. Such a big and healthy girl! The Dr. also said we can start feeding you cereal in the next few months. She said to look for signs that you are ready and I think you are! Just in the past few days you've started this chewing thing with your mouth. You look kind of like a cow chewing cud. It's so cute! You are also sitting up very well in your Bumbo seat (which you love!). But, I think I'm still going to wait another few weeks...because once we start feeding you solids there's no going back.

Now let's see, what have you been up to this month? You've finally started to laugh...although you do not pass them out generously. Oh no, you make us work hard for those sweet little giggles. But don't get us wrong, we're willing to work! You have also really found your hands and you love to hold on to them as well as shove them in your mouth. I had to get a picture of you doing this because you look kind of like a worried little lady rubbing your hands together. So cute! You're also still drooling like a leaky faucet. You rolled from your tummy to your back twice this month. But I don't think you really knew what you were doing. Both times you were screaming & crying and the rolls were more in a fit of rage than anything. Your favorite form of talking these days is saying "hey". Sometimes it's just a short little "Hey!" and sometimes it's a long drawn out "Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!" that sounds something like a musical sigh. And Zoë, you really are such a happy baby. So content and smiley.

Well dear, your hair is falling out at an appalling rate these days. Your Aunt Sonya calls it "baby-pattern baldness". And what little you have remaining tends to lay flat on your head. Gone are the days of my precious little spiky haired thing. The picture below is right after your bath. If I comb it all up it does this curly thing that looks just like your daddy's hair. Too bad the curls don't last...it all ends up standing straight as a board when it dries. Nevertheless, your daddy is still proud when it looks crazy like his and he gets sad when I point out little strands left behind in your swing or carseat.

You still love to suck on that fist. We thought you would have settled on one of your fingers by now. But, oh no, it's the whole fist or nothing! You've started to sometimes take the paci. But not very often and by no means all the time. I can usually only get you to take it if you're really sleepy or fussy. Otherwise you'll just gnaw on it for a minute then spit it out.

And of course we need to talk about your sleeping. Ah sleep...you sure do love it. In fact, if I let you I think you would sleep the entire day. But, I do not let you. Per the pediatrician's advice I wake you up from naps in order to keep you on a good feeding schedule. Plus, she seemed to think that maybe you weren't getting enough to eat during the day and that is why you were still waking up at night (I actually called her when you were going through your eating every 2 hours during the night phase). Oh, did I not mention you're still not sleeping through the night? Not in any sense of the phrase. You still wake up pretty much every 4 hours to eat. Even despite our best efforts to the contrary. Another piece of advice the pediatrician gave us was to keep you awake during the late afternoon/early evening so that you would sleep longer at night. And boy that has made for some fun times at our house...let me tell you. Because did I mention how much you love to sleep (or should I say nap)? So, during this time Daddy & I carry you around, bounce you, sing, give you a bath, and generally whatever we can think of to combat those falling eyelids of yours. This tends to just make you fussy and look at us like, "Dude, just let me sleep already!" And honestly it's not really working. Like I said, despite all our efforts you still want to wake & eat about every 4 hours.

And speaking of our best efforts, we discovered Baby Einstein this month. I had no idea how you would love it! I found it on YouTube one night in a desperate attempt to keep you awake. Being new to the world of Baby Einstein I did not realize how creepy it is. But you were instantly mesmerized. You went from fussy-whiny to zoned out as soon as the music started. Whoever is making those videos totally knows what they're doing. So we've added this to our repertoire of trying to keep you awake.

I've also decided that it's time to retire the swaddle. I tried last month and it was not good. You woke up so many times I decided it just wasn't worth it. So we just keep you all wrapped up because it works. People have told me that you would eventually bust out when you were done with it. And it cracks me up that you don't. You totally love your swaddle! Even though your grandparents call it the "straight-jacket". You actually get very grinny when I start wrapping you up in it. But, I think it's time to start weaning you off of it. Besides, you're about to outgrow all of the ones we have!

Watching you grow and change is at the same time amazing and heartbreaking. I simultaneously love the baby you are now and miss the little thing you were a few months ago. And I know this pattern will continue. I so look forward to seeing who you are going to be when you start toddling and talking. But, I can already feel the pangs of missing our lazy days with you content to cuddle in my lap or be snuggled close in your carrier.

But, sweet Zoë, this is exactly what we signed up for. All of it. The overwhelming moments of love, the mundane everyday tasks, the frustrating late night crying, and the ache of knowing you don't really belong to me and one day you will fly from my nest. These are my spiritual lessons. And God is continually using you to teach me.

Several of my friends who have also experienced the heartbreak of miscarriage had something they would tell me for comfort that I didn't fully get at the time. They said that no matter how devastating losing their baby was...they couldn't imagine life without the child they were blessed with. I now so fully understand what they meant. You are such an angel to me. I sometimes thank the little ones we had to lose for knowing you were exactly what we needed.

Love,

Mama

Birthday week

2009-02-24T17:55:00.015-05:00

I had a fabulous birthday week with my family and friends. It started with a night out with my girls, Lori & Kristen, on Tuesday. We started with dinner at Leon's (a new restaurant started by the Brickstore guys). When I arrived the girls had already snagged a fabulous tucked-away booth which the owners refer to as the "hot tub". You know we were right at home! ;) After a yummy dinner we headed over to Eddie's Attic to see Fred and his band play. It's always fun & entertaining watching Fred put on his show. Many thanks to daddy Kit for staying home with the girl so I could have a night out. Too bad it takes 2-3 days to recover from a late night out these days...especially when it's followed by 2 middle of the night feedings. Oh the sacrifices of living the rock 'n roll life...

Fred & His Georgia Girls *missing Lisa*

Thursday Zoë and I had a visit from Cindy & Trent. They brought lunch & livened the place up with their energy. Trent & Zoë don't yet know that they are destined to be together. We'll let them figure that out on their own. ;) And the weirdest thing is they both have a "strawberry" birthmark in the EXACT same place on their shoulder. Trent's has almost faded now...but, isn't that funny? I got the cutest pictures of them meeting for the first time. How big does our girl look sitting up like that? Trent agreed to pose & smile for the picture knowing he had a P,B & J sandwich waiting for him...

How cute are they??

Totally checking each other out...

On Friday we headed up to my parents' lake house (which is in Seneca, SC) for a relaxing weekend. Mom & Dad were there along with a warm fireplace to welcome us in from the cold. Sarah, Andy & Beth joined us on Saturday and we had a great day of small town shopping, good food eating and inside joke laughing. Speaking of the small town shopping...have I mentioned how much I love small towns? Sarah carried Zoë while we walked around the shops and without fail every one we went in the shop owner would come over, ooo and ahhh over Zoë and ask her name. I couldn't help but comment how this NEVER happens in Atlanta. Sometimes at the grocery store the checkout lady will smile and ask how old she is. But really people just keep to themselves. This is what I miss living in a big city...community. But, I won't go on and on...this is another post entirely. I'll just say I had a great weekend AWAY from the big city. And I finally got some pictures of me & little Z. I am always the one who pulls out the camera...so I've realized I have very few pictures of me & Zoë. Good thing daddy Kit is brilliant with the camera. These are a few of my favorites.

Here on my birthday I can't help but think of my own birth and what my mom went through to get me here. I know now that a BIRTHday is as much about celebrating the mama as it is about celebrating the "child". Thinking about my mom experiencing the same feelings, emotions, fears, excitement as I have felt with Zoë is very humbling. I imagine her young, naive, brave, 24...as clueless as I am. And I remember all the ways I took her for granted and hurt her with my words and ridiculous adolescent acts. Thank you, mom. I pray that I can mother Zoë the way you always mother me. And I can only hope Zoë and I can one day be friends the way we are.

Happy birthday me!

My Baby Daddy

2009-02-19T09:54:00.005-05:00

My baby daddy is a...

nap sharing daddy

baby-wearing daddy

fingernail clipping daddy

baby charming daddy

And all around the best daddy a girl could hope for!

The Bumbo

2009-02-17T14:15:00.008-05:00

Here at the Hughes household we're contemplating the true function of the Bumbo.

Baby Seat

Roman Soldier Helmet

you can be the judge.

"Daddy get that Bumbo off of your head!!"

Our Little Valentine

2009-02-16T12:49:00.010-05:00

Well, we had a great Valentine's weekend with a visit from Pops and Deeda. Kit and I even scored TWO date nights out of it! ;) I don't think we've had that much time alone since November 9th! Friday night we went to Cirque du Soleil at Atlantic Station. This was my Christmas /Valentine /Birthday present and I couldn't have been more thrilled! In fact, I was so excited about going I was afraid I was going to be disappointed. But, no worries! We had such a good time. I think part of me was just high off of being out of the house and on a date with my man! Plus, the acts were amazing and we had really good seats. It also reminded me of my childhood birthdays. The Ringling Brothers circus always came (and still does) to town around my birthday and going to it was one of my favorite birthday treats. So, I guess going to this "adult" circus brought back some fond birthday memories.

Zoë really started "talking" this weekend. It's so cute to see her try to communicate. And I love her little squeals of joy! We're having so much fun interacting with her these days. Enjoy the new Valentine photos of little miss!

3 Months

2009-02-11T11:49:00.029-05:00

Dear Zoë,

Congratulations little one! We are officially through the fourth trimester. And you have now been "living" for a full year! You are becoming such a little person...no longer accepting a life of merely eating, sleeping and pooping. Oh no, you want to be a part of everything that is going on. And you've even taken to squealing when you're not! We didn't have a pediatrician appointment this month so I'm not sure exactly how much you're weighing. But there is no doubt you are growing! You have almost outgrown all of your 0-3 month clothes. And you're getting ready to move on to size 2 diapers.

You've really started learning how to "work" us this month, little girl. You have this new cry that you're using...which is really more of a yell or pitiful scream. I call it your "damsel in distress" cry because let's be honest you're just using it to get our attention. It's really kind of funny. I'll walk away from you and you'll let out this "look at me!" scream...and when I come back you'll flash me this huge grin. Wrapped. That's all I have to say...wrapped.

Just as everyone has predicted your hair has started falling out. I'm finding it in little feathery wisps in your bed and on your changing table. You can also see little bare spots on the back of your head. But, no worries girl, you still have plenty of hair to sport a pretty rockin' do. I'm telling ya, people pay good money for your look! And Daddy sure is holding out hope that you will keep the "do" that proves you really are his child. I'm also wondering what your eyes are going to do. I haven't let myself get to attached to them because I figured they would probably change. But they really are a beautiful shade of steely blue. I don't know that I've ever spent so much time staring into one person's eyes.

You are still loving to suck on your fist and completely reject a pacifier. This morning you actually started to find your thumb. It was really kind of pitiful...your thumb is so tiny it seems to be a pretty unsatisfying thing to suck! You seemed to realize that and went back to working on shoving your whole fist in your little mouth. Sometimes you suck on 2 or 3 of your fingers when you take your naps. Whatever works, right?! Oh, and I almost forgot, you still love to blow spit bubbles and you totally drool like a machine.

Ok girl, we need to have another talk about our sleep issues. Our transition to the "big girl" crib is going ok. Mommy has only woken up in a "where's the baby!" panic a few times. I'm pretty proud of myself. You, on the other hand, are not accepting this whole "sleep through the night" concept. You'll do a pretty good 5-6 hour stretch at the beginning of the night. Then, I'm not sure exactly what happens, but you have gotten into the habit of waking up every two hours after that. And I mean you wake up! Eyes open wide, looking around like you're ready to start the day. I'm kind of at a loss for how to break you of this habit. I'm hoping maybe you'll just grow out of it?? But seriously girl, we do not start our day at 4am!

Things that I love:

Your big gummy smiles

Your sweet breathy whispers

Your edible chubby cheeks

Your big baby yawns

Your rock star mohawk hairdo
Your mesmerizing blue eyes

You met our preacher, Kris, for the first time on Sunday and he went on and on about how beautiful you are. I told him that we thought so, but what do we know. He said, "Just 'cause you're biased doesn't mean you're wrong." I like that.

Love,

Mama

12 Weeks

2009-02-05T09:16:00.008-05:00

Zoë, I just love these new pictures of you. They really show what a happy, good-natured baby you are. You are becoming more animated everyday and it's so much fun to be with you. You love to flash this big, gummy grin...but, you aren't laughing much yet. It's cute to watch to make laughy faces but no sound comes out!

Every night since we've been home from the hospital you have slept by our bed in this cradle. Having you so close during the night has been a mixed blessing. It was so easy to tend to your late night needs having you so close. You rarely had to even cry when you needed something because I could hear your every grunt. But, I could hear your every grunt...and I think we both have lost more sleep than necessary because of that. Either way, it's definitely time for you to move into your room and into your "big girl" crib. We'll start the transition this week and hopefully it will be relatively painless.

I guess you can tell from the fact that I have taken these pictures and even paused to write about this that it has not been an easy thing for me to do. Some people have even chastised me for keeping you in our room this long. I jokingly respond by telling them I know you'll be fine...it's ME I'm not so sure about. You have been such a part of me for almost a year now. And I'm realizing that moving you out of my "sight" during the night is causing me to once again take a step of faith and trust that God will care for you...even while I sleep. Silly Mommy...of course He will care for you. There is the other lesson I have to continually learn: I am SO not in control of as much as I think I am. Baby steps.

This cradle was originally your Uncle Jon's when he was a baby. I know, it's hard for you to imagine he was ever a little baby...but he was! ;) Your cousins Sydney & Madison also used it when they were little. So, you are not the first baby to use it and you won't be the last. I am so grateful to have been able to use this beautiful piece of furniture. It was not only so useful but also a little bit of your history. We have to thank your Pops & Deeda for letting this cradle bring us such good baby memories.

Love,

Mama

More Cuteness...

2009-01-29T11:28:00.004-05:00

Baby It's Cold Outside

2009-01-27T16:55:00.004-05:00

Well, not so much anymore...but it was last week and so Zoë and I stayed holed up during the day. I got some cute, snuggley winter pictures of the little lass while we were hanging out at home.

For the most part, everyone insists that Zoë looks like me. But, I have to say she inherited this look from her Daddy! I've seen it more than a couple of times on that man I married.

I never get tired of seeing them snuggled up together. This is my bliss.

Ok, I had to include this one because it is classic. Penny knows she can't get away with this with either Kit or me...so she totally takes advantage of our guests! And Aunt Kristen was MORE than happy to oblige! ;)

What I've Been Doing...

2009-01-21T11:59:00.003-05:00

What I've been doing instead of blogging:

1) Staring into Zoë's beautiful eyes.

2) Changing lots of diapers.

3) Making difficult decisions.

4) Pumping breast milk.

5) Occasionally showering.

6) Cooking.

7) Lots of laundry.

8) Giggling with Zoë.

9) Passing out while watching movies with Kit.

10) Trying to remember to take lots of pictures & video of this growing girl.

So, forgive me for my silence...this mom stuff is serious work! ;)

2 Months

2009-01-12T17:16:00.014-05:00

Dear Zoë,

As of yesterday you are 2 months old. And to say that time is flying by is a serious understatement! You did very well at your 2 month pediatrician appointment today. You now weigh 11lbs 11oz (I guess that's your number!) and you are 22 1/2 in long. You had to get your first vaccination shot and you were not happy. :( To hear you scream in pain broke my heart into little pieces! I don't look forward to having to do that again every couple of months. But I am so pleased with the way you are growing and staying so healthy!

This month has brought us many, many lovely smiles from you. You are also just starting to coo. Mornings are the best time to catch you in a good mood and that's when you do the most smiling & talking. Your specialty right now is big full body smiles where it's like you have to have your arms and legs involved in order to make it good. So cute! A few things that you love: your tongue, blowing bubbles, your fist. You won't have anything to do with a paci...but, you are desperately trying to find your thumb! You love to shove that little fist of yours in your mouth and suck away. Yep, I think we're going to have a thumb sucker one of these days.

I pulled out your play gym this week. I wasn't sure when exactly you would be interested in it...but, it was definitely the right time! As soon as I put you under it you started kicking your legs and shaking your arms in excitement. It was so cute! Now it's one of your favorite places to be during your playtime. You're still enjoying your swing, too. And as you can see from the pictures you are rockin' tummy time! You are starting to enjoy getting your diaper changed and you *love* bath time. And, thank the Lord, you finally like riding in the car!

A couple of weeks ago you got your first bottle. This was a bittersweet moment for Mommy. While I cherish the thought of being able to go out and stay gone for more than 2 hours...I was a little sad that you took to the bottle so easily. Not that I'm complaining! It just made me feel like maybe you don't need me as much as I like to think you do. Oh, who am I kidding...of course you need me!! ;) But, I'm also glad that Daddy is a champion bottle-giver.

Last week you also started taking naps in your big-girl crib. I took this picture after a particularly good day of naps. On this day you actually put yourself to sleep lying in your crib. This was a first! Usually, you insist on being rocked to sleep. Unfortunately this little trend hasn't stuck and we're back to rocking. But it was a good day and hopefully a sign of what's to come.

And speaking of sleeping...girl, we really need to have a discussion about your sleep habits. You've had several nights of going 6 hours between feedings starting in mid-December. But, you rarely do more than two nights of this in a row. And lately it's like you've regressed and you're back to waking every 3 hours to eat. No ma'am! Now, I know you can do it...and the pediatrician assures me that your tummy is big enough to go 6 hours at night. So, can we try to make this a habit? Please...you love your mommy, right?

Here are some of the names that we've taken to calling you. I assure you they are all said in love...

Zoë B

Milk-face

Zo baby

Baby girl

Zed-face (This one's all the way from London! You'll have to ask your Aunt Sarah about it.)

Fat baby

Oh little Zoë, you sure are making life sweet. You keep growing and we'll keep lovin' on you.

Love,

Mama

Heaven

2009-01-10T17:42:00.004-05:00

Sometimes a pop song hits you right when you least expect it. Zoë and I were home alone today and I was watching a music documentary. Well, I really just had it on in the background while I was doing stuff around the house. I was washing dishes when I heard Bryan Adams performing his song "Heaven" with only him, an acoustic guitar and a violinist. I have to admit it was beautiful. I've always loved that song...but, mostly in an 80's-childhood-memories kind of way. When I heard it today I was touched...and as embarassing as it is, I was moved by this old pop song. I heard the words to this classic rock ballad in a completely new way. As my eyes slowly filled with tears, I picked up my baby girl to share a dance. We danced around the room to the song that once held only a place for junior high romance. We danced and tears streamed down my face as it hit me just how much I feel that I am in "heaven". I thought about the past year and all the tears I cried wishing she was here. And I cried new tears of complete gratitude for finally holding my angel. We danced and I sang along...I held her tight and meant every word...

Oh, once in your life you find someone

Who will turn your world around

Bring you up when you're feeling down

Now nothing can change what you mean to me

Oh, there's lots that I could say

But just hold me now

'Cause our love will light the way

Baby you're all that I want

When you're lying here in my arms

I'm finding it hard to believe

We're in heaven

And love is all that I need

And I found it there in your heart

It isn't too hard to see

We're in heaven

I've been waiting for so long

For something to arrive

For love to come along

Now our dreams are coming true

Through the good times and the bad

I'll be standing there by you

Zoë's First Christmas

2008-12-30T11:32:00.008-05:00

Our First Family Christmas

Santa Baby

Five Generations

All We Wanted

6 Weeks

2008-12-23T09:27:00.009-05:00

Well, 6 weeks has been pretty good to us. We're all becoming better adjusted to each other and sleep is happening in greater amounts of time and with less interruptions. Thank you, Lord! Zoë is smiling up a storm and trying her best to talk. We've been venturing out more and I'm slowly becoming more comfortable driving with her. She is starting to scream less in the car and usually ends up falling asleep by the end of our journey.

Our Little PresentGood Things Come In Small Packages

On Friday we took Zoë to see Santa. I was very nervous about it, but knew I would regret it if we didn't go. It's such a chore getting out of the house and I wasn't sure how she would handle being in such a crowd. Well, I was nervous for nothin'! She did great. She was so wide-eyed and just wanted to take it all in. Our little missy wasn't going to sleep for anything! It was so funny, there was a 9 week-old boy in line ahead of us who slept through the entire thing...waiting in line, sitting on Santa's lap, getting the pictures afterwards. But, no...not Zoë! She breezed right through nap-time and wasn't about to miss a thing. I wonder what this says about future outings??

Zoë & Santa

Our gift after a big afternoon out at the mall was 6 hours between Zoë's feedings that night. A Christmas miracle! ;) Once again, I know it probably won't last...but, hopefully it was a taste of what's to come. And mommy felt so good after several hours of sleep.

Zoë Love

2008-12-17T18:56:00.006-05:00

More Magic From Karen

HALLELUJAH!

2008-12-15T15:24:00.004-05:00

*cue angels singing*

Zoë went FIVE hours between feedings last night...only woke up ONCE during the night...and Mama got FOUR consecutive hours of sleep! It was a good night! ;) Now I know better than to get my hopes up that this will continue...but, I have to believe if she can do it once, she can do it again.

Overall, Zoë seems to have turned a corner when she hit one month. She is crying less and napping better during the day. And at night when she wakes up to feed she has been going right back to sleep. All of these things we were majorly struggling with a couple of weeks ago.

Now if I could just get a shower everyday for a full week...I just might recognize myself again! ;)

1 Month

2008-12-11T15:49:00.013-05:00

Dear Zoë,

My sweet precious angel, today you are one month old. It's so hard for me to believe you have already been with us for a month. Everyone says how fast these weeks go by...and they are right. And you, little missy, are changing so much! We took you for your one month pediatrician appointment today and you did so well. You totally charmed the Doctor and pleasantly enough kept your screaming to a bare minimum. You now weigh 9lbs 12oz and you are 22in long. I couldn't hide my excitement that you have gained two pounds and your daddy said, "Well, I think you are proud of yourself!" And I am! Nursing is challenging and very time consuming. Most days I feel like that is all I have accomplished. But seeing you on that scale today made me realize that it's working! And, yes, I am very proud.

My greatest joy the past week has been seeing your smiles. I quickly realized that what we are seeing aren't "gas smiles" at all! You are smiling in response to hearing our voices and seeing our faces. Talk about making a Mama and Daddy melt! And of course there are the drifting off to sleep smiles which are equally as precious...as well as the full on in-your-sleep belly laugh. Too cute! The only difficulty is actually capturing these smiles with the camera. You'll have to forgive all the obnoxious noises and faces we make trying to get a good shot. We just want to share all the cuteness with everyone else.

You are also becoming much more alert and attentive during the day. You like to see faces and interact as opposed to sitting by yourself. It took a few weeks, but you are now enjoying the swing more and will stay in it for more than two minutes (which is about all you would tolerate at first). You are also starting to notice the rotating mobile that's above your head in the swing. You still don't like riding in your carseat. Your daddy and I have to really turn the music up to get you to stop screaming. Thank goodness you like good music!

As you can see you still have all of your fabulous hair. Everyone says it will eventually fall out...but you haven't lost any of it yet. And at this point I can't imagine you without it!

The past few weeks have been difficult and challenging in ways I never could have imagined. I don't think there is any way to fully prepare for all the physical and emotional demands a newborn requires. And there is definitely no way to understand how the complete lack of sleep will wear you down. Everyone tells me, "Don't worry, it gets better." And I am believing them. I know you are just adjusting to your new life and what you want more than anything is to be held close. But, being a new mom is hard...and there are so many books that try to tell you exactly how to do things. These books can make you feel like if you don't do things "their way" you're doing everything wrong. As if we don't already feel inadequate enough!

So, after a couple of weeks of trying to buy into a parenting style I don't believe in I am letting go. I have decided to throw out all the books that tell me to not to spoil you by holding you too much...and not to let you fall asleep in my arms or you'll never sleep on your own...and to get you on a schedule or you'll never sleep through the night. I am following my mother's advice and trusting my instincts. And my instincts tell me that this is your "fourth trimester" and what you want and need more than anything is to be held and comforted and loved. My job for now is to feed you when you want to eat and show you by my comforting arms that this world is ok. Since I realized all of this and let go of following someone else's ideas things have felt more natural around here. We'll work on schedules and what not next month.

Zoë, for all the challenging and difficult moments...there are just as many moments of sheer awe. Sometimes I just sit and look at you and say silent prayers of thankfulness that you are finally here. And oh that smile makes it all worth it. I can't say it enough, little one...Thank you for choosing us.

Love,

Mama

Daddy Love

2008-12-10T20:22:00.006-05:00

My Two Favorite People Lovin' Each Other

Lots of firsts

2008-12-08T11:51:00.008-05:00

Zoë has had lots of "firsts" the past few weeks. Here are some pictures from some of them...

The day after we came home from the hospital we had a pediatrician appointment. Her office is in Decatur so we thought it was a good time to go by and introduce Zoë to her great-great Nana.

Zoë enjoyed her first bath at home.

Well...for the most part.

Rockin' her Kit Hughes hair-do.

A couple of weeks ago we had a warm day and decided to take Zoë to Piedmont Park. It's one of our favorite things to do on a pretty weekend. Too bad Penny didn't get to go this time.

Ryan, Lesli & Sydney got to come by for a visit a few weeks ago. Sydney was precious with her new cousin. She was so loving with "baby Zoë". I think they're going to be good friends!

Worth the Wait

2008-12-04T11:39:00.003-05:00

Karen seems to think miss Zoë was worth the wait. I think we might agree with her.

karenmphotography.blogspot.com

We had a wonderful newborn photo shoot with Karen this weekend. I can't believe how well Zoë cooperated. Check out a few of the pictures she has posted on her website. We are excited to see the rest!

If you're in the Atlanta area and in need of some fabulous photographs I can't tell you how highly we recommend Karen. Aside from her obvious talent...she is so calm and has the ability to make you feel comfortable while she does her magic.

Thanks again, Karen! You're the best!

3 Weeks

2008-12-02T17:08:00.004-05:00

Zoë's first Thanksgiving

Well, I know I have been so bad about posting updates and new pictures. The days and nights are blurring together in a haze of feeding, changing diapers and rocking. The few stolen moments I get during the day I find myself choosing between eating, sleeping and doing random stuff around the house. So, my emailing and blogging have taken the back-burner for now. Zoë & I were so blessed to have Kit home for almost 3 weeks. He's back at work full-time now so little miss & I are figuring out our days alone.

Thankfully Zoë is eating like a champ and growing everyday. She is sleeping pretty well...even if it is only in hour and a half increments. When she is awake she is so precious and alert. She'll even treat me with a smile or two every once in a while. Granted they're probably just gas smiles...but, I'll take 'em! ;)

I can't believe she'll be a month old next week! I'm trying to savor these moments even through the extreme sleepiness and moments of inconsolable crying. I know she will never be this little again...and it's already going by so fast.

Zoë's Video Birth Announcement

2008-11-26T10:36:00.004-05:00

Birth announcement from Kit Hughes on Vimeo.

2 Weeks

2008-11-25T16:12:00.006-05:00

I took some pictures of miss Zoë today to show how much she is growing! It's amazing how slow the last two weeks of my pregnancy went...and how fast these first two weeks of Zoë's life have flown by. I'll post more pictures later of all the fun we've been having this week.

sweet baby

getting bigger

striking a pose

Zoë's first tummy time

Penny wants to play too

swaddle-schmaddle

Penny meets Zoë

2008-11-19T12:00:00.003-05:00

Penny meets Zoë from Kit Hughes on Vimeo.

1 Week

2008-11-18T16:55:00.008-05:00

One week ago our world completely changed. Here are a few pictures from the first precious moments of Zoë's life.

Welcome Zoë!

So happy & proud

Yep, I'm your mommy

Falling in love

Baby's first bath

All sudsed up

Washing all that dark hair

Meeting Gigi & Deeda

A Year Ago Today...

2008-11-17T20:05:00.009-05:00

One of Lisa's favorite quotes:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
~Nelson Mandela

Lisa, Kristen, Me & Lori in 2001

Posted on Lisa's Carepages today by her family:

Our dear, dear Team Lisa,
I really don't know what to say to you but I feel compelled to say something. Today is a sad day as it ends our first year of life without Lisa. I think we were all anxious for this day to come, hoping it would be a milestone that would magically lessen our pain and sorrow. It is in a way as I personally find more of my thoughts of Lisa to be good memories rather than the painful memories of her illness and this day one year ago. The past year has been filled with all of you and your messages, calls, cards, kindnesses, donations and support. We know that as we think of our gratitude to you that you too are thinking of Lisa today and everyday.

As you all know, our family's grief extends far beyond what we anticipated just a month ago. We take some comfort in the fact that Doug is with Lisa and she is taking good care of him. We also hope they are driving fast cars with music blaring, playing golf everyday and that the stock market in Heaven is permanently at an all time high. Lisa has taught us how to grieve and survive. We have learned that it is the positive thoughts and memories that get us over the rough spots and we have learned to cry at a moment's notice and not be embarrassed about it.

We have also learned that life goes on and take great comfort in the fact that our friends continue to remember Lisa and Doug. Our first grandchild will be born in late March and Lisa's good friends, Kit and Laura Hughes, have named their new baby Zoë Annelisa. My brother, Mike, had emergency triple bypass surgery 5 days ago and is doing great thanks to his extra angels. And your generosity in supporting organizations seeking cures for leukemia (including financial support, hikes, marathons, bone marrow drives) is astounding and we are so grateful.

We have decided to shut down Lisa's Carepages at the beginning of the year. I will send you information about ordering copies which include Lisa's messages and all the messages to her. It is a beautiful chronology using Lisa's own words and those of her "team" to inspire us and remind us of her courage, love and optimism. More to follow on that.

Meanwhile, enjoy this day as Lisa and Doug would have – pretend Dad and Daughter are together snorkeling the beautiful reefs of the Bahamas or just busy taking care of all of us.

We love you.

Lynn, Chris and Shannon

An Angel Among Us

2008-11-14T17:15:00.012-05:00

We're home! We were discharged yesterday around noon and have been slowly learning how to take care of all our little angel's needs. I still feel like it's all a dream. Our time in the hospital went by so fast. I'm shaking my head in awe that just 4 days ago she was still a part of me and we were trying everything we could to bring labor on. Which, by the way, I have to tell you all that I have a "Scalini's baby"! For those of you who don't know what that means I'll tell ya. Scalini's restaurant has a nationally famous eggplant parmesan dish that is supposed to put full-term pregnant women into labor. Well, by Sunday I was desperate to avoid a Tuesday scheduled induction...so, I thought what can we lose! No kidding, my water broke less than 12 hours after we ate there. So miss Zoë gets her Scalini's onesie and we get a gift certificate!

All dressed up & striking a pose

Kit and I have been talking about how it's been an adjustment to start calling this little one Zoë after she's been Baby B for so long. We find ourselves calling her "Zoë B"...I call it her "transition" name. ;) But speaking of her name, I wanted to share with you all a little more about her sweet little name. Zoë is a name I have always liked, but I haven't always known that is what I wanted to name our daughter. In fact, for the entirety of our relationship our daughter's name was going to be Ella after Kit's grandmother. Well, the more we talked about names I noticed that I would bring up Ella but Kit never would. I asked him about it once and he said, "Well, I guess I just always think that's who our first baby was." Tears filled my eyes and he didn't have to say anything else. We had this name so picked out and with our first pregnancy there was never a question that would be the baby's name if it was a girl. So, after years of loving that name, I let go of it.

So, who was this girl? One of the reasons I have always liked the name Zoë is it's meaning. Zoë is a Greek word that means "Life". In the original Greek text of the Bible it's this word that is used when Jesus speaks of Eternal Life. I added this name to our list a couple of months ago and it wasn't long until we began to feel that this is who she was. After so much death and loss...this angel is our gift of "Life". And it just took spending a morning with her to realize, yep, she's our Zoë. We think it suits her already!

Annelisa is of course after our precious and so missed Lisa Anne. We have known almost as long as I've been pregnant that we wanted this to be a part of her name. It still aches so much that Zoë will never know Lisa and that Lisa is not here to share in this miracle with us. Oh, I know her spirit is with us...and I have felt it so much in the past few days. But, it doesn't take away the fact that it still hurts that she's gone. I hope in some way that giving her this name will honor Lisa's spirit and help carry her life & story into the next generation.

Zoë latched on to her favorite person

Ok, now I have to say this picture is such a portrait of how things are...and, I'm sure, what's to come. This girl loves her daddy! And here she is just two days old letting us know with her little look that holding onto him is really all she needs. But, seriously, it really is amazing the way he is with her. First of all, he is a master swaddler (thanks to Brian and Page for giving us the Happiest Baby on the Block video...no, seriously...it's been a lifesaver!). He can calm this baby down in seconds with his mad baby whisperer skills! And he is so sweet with her. I had no idea how much it would melt my heart to see how tender he is with her. I didn't know just how much watching him become a daddy would make me fall deeper in love.

Please accept my apology if I haven't returned an email or phone call. We are still adjusting and trying to sleep when we can. But know that all of your messages have been so loving and well received. We can feel you all rejoicing with us and it feels good...really good.

And then there were three...

2008-11-12T03:53:00.004-05:00

Please join us in praising God for the safe arrival of our precious angel!

Zoë Annelisa Hughes

born at 2:45am on 11/11/2008

7lbs 11oz

21 1/2 inches long

Mommy's cheeks & Daddy's hair

Rocking our world and stealing our hearts ever since...

40 Weeks

2008-11-02T17:39:00.019-05:00

40 week belly

Well, here we are November 2nd and no signs of baby. I guess that's not exactly true...there are plenty of signs of her hanging out and doing her dance in my belly. There's just no signs of her actually making a live appearance...at least not today. And to be honest with you, we have really enjoyed having the extra time to take care of things and spend some quality time together. Kit and I had a perfect weekend together. I finished some laundry and cleaning on Saturday and then Saturday night we had a great dinner at Brio. The Brio at Perimeter has a great outdoor patio by a lake and the weather was beautiful. So we sat outside and ate delicious pasta and soaked up what could possibly be our last date night...for a while at least.

Today we ran errands together and Penny & I went for a walk in the Highlands while Kit got some immunization updates at CVS (good little tidbit for you Atlanta folks--that CVS has a minute clinic that treats common illnesses and does vaccinations. They even take insurance--very convenient!). And those of you who know me well know that no Sunday would be complete without the uninterrupted-marathon nap! ;) Another luxury I know we'll be missing so very soon. Tonight we're going to kick back and watch a movie. And Kit's going to make us mint-chocolate chip milkshakes. Yum! I really couldn't have asked for a better weekend with my hubby.

I know some women are really miserable by this time in pregnancy and don't really have the energy to do anything. I am actually feeling better than I was a few weeks ago...which is I'm sure why I haven't really minded that she isn't here yet. I am still working and plan on going in on Tuesday if she hasn't come. My co-workers look at me like I'm crazy for still being there...but, honestly the longer I work, the more time off with pay I'll have stored up. So, that's really my incentive to keep it up.

I have been having some signs of early labor: contractions, cramps, lower back aches, and other things I won't mention...but, nothing has been consistent. Everything I have read says that with these signs labor can start in a matter of hours or days. I guess we're working with days. It's weird the way things have started moving in slow motion. I have said this before, but knowing that at any moment labor could start and B could be here really makes the days go slow. It's so hard to grasp that this very day could be the last one as we know it. Thanks to all of you who have been calling, texting, emailing, facebooking to check on B's status. I can't believe after all this time she really is going to be here in a matter of days!

Remembering Our Second Angel

2008-10-30T21:08:00.011-04:00

My mom recently commented to me on what a different Halloween this is from last year. Today, we are anxiously awaiting the birth of this sweet little one God has blessed us with. On this day last year my husband was working in Boston and I was having a D&C to put a final end to our second pregnancy. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away...blessed be his name. Last year I was helping my parents pass out Halloween candy, resting, recovering and mourning our loss. This year I will be with my sweet Kit and we will be passing out candy, anticipating B's arrival and feeling so much gratitude for the healing & gifts of this past year.

When I found out I was pregnant the second time I was so happy. I honestly didn't have that much fear. I believed what everyone told me when they said, "These things happen once...and then you will have a perfectly fine pregnancy." I had no reason to believe that this baby wouldn't make it. Our anniversary baby. That's when I was due...right around our anniversary. Kit was heading to Africa just when I was going to be 8 weeks along. That's the earliest they would schedule an ultrasound to check on the baby's status. As much as I wanted him to be there, I didn't think I could wait another 2 weeks to find out how the baby was doing. Plus, I figured everything was fine and I'd have a precious little picture to show him when he got home. I never imagined that the time he was in Africa would be some of the longest, loneliest days I have ever had.

I had my mom go with me to the appointment, just in case. We had a long wait and I was glad she was there. When the ultrasound tech did the scan she pointed out the baby and said, "There it is. The baby is measuring about 6 weeks." Well, I just lost it. I knew the baby should have measured 8 weeks...and I knew in my heart at this stage that wasn't good. The tech was confused and my mom explained what I had been through. The tech tried to console me and pointed out that the baby did have a heartbeat (even though it was slow) and that maybe I was off on my dates. I knew I wasn't off on my dates. I knew something was wrong. After that I had to stay and talk to a nurse. My mom tried to pump me with hope and reassurance that everything was going to be ok. I met with the nurse who could offer no explanations or suggestions other than for me to come back in a week to check the growth. Having to tell Kit about this appointment when he called to tell me he had arrived in Africa safely totally sucked. He was so excited to be there...and I so wanted him to have an amazing trip. But, at the same time I needed his strength and I know he wished he was with me.

I ended up waiting a week and a half to schedule the next scan since I was supposed to go to Chicago for a conference that week and Kit would still be in Africa until that time...and I definitely wanted him to be there. So on October 8th we had the ultrasound that showed us the baby had not grown and his heart had stopped beating. This did not come as a surprise to me at all. While I was definitely choosing to remain hopeful, I knew in my heart this baby was not going to stay with us. In fact, I think the only reason I was able to stay hopeful was because of Lisa...our great ambassador of hope. Right before I had the first ultrasound she found out that the leukemia had returned. If she could be hopeful in the face of her fears...so could I.

That week and a half of waiting for the confirmation was a time of deep prayer and introspection. That weekend I was alone so I spent Saturday at a retreat center right outside the city that has great trails and a prayer labyrinth that I love. While I was walking the labyrinth I placed my hand on my belly and prayed a simple prayer...dear God, be with me and this baby. Over and over like a mantra I said it. And as I walked I felt the Spirit telling me that I was this baby's mother and that I shouldn't disconnect from him just because I was scared. I felt something in me realize what a precious and holy gift it is to be the vessel for a little soul. How amazing conception is! From two little cells a miracle begins and God breathes life into existence. What a gift to be a participant in this process. It was a remarkable realization for me. I finished walking the labyrinth and stepped onto the trail leading to the lake. As soon as my feet hit the trail something inside of me said, "Now let him go." I nodded my head and knew that I was not going to meet this baby here on earth. But, as I was walking to the lake I felt that God was telling me not to worry...I would be a mother to an earth baby one day, it would just be a journey to get there. When I got to the lake I took a big seed that I had found and dropped it in the lake to symbolize letting go of this baby...and accepting God's will. This is why I wasn't surprised when we found out the baby was gone.

I know some of that may sound hokey and "out there". But, it was probably one of the few times I have truly felt God's presence with me. And I don't think it has anything to do with His presence...but, more to do with my openness to Him during that time of desperation. I would like to say that I carried the peace of that day with me over the next month...but, I really didn't. I had moments where I would remember and know that God was with me. But, mostly there was a lot of sadness and anger and "why me". I tried to miscarry naturally, but it just wasn't happening. And having to have a D&C felt like the devastation-icing on the cake. Although I can say now with the gift of hindsight, it was the best thing I could have done.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. I feel pretty emotional after reliving the journey of those days. But, I think it's important for me to honor that baby and the lessons that he brought us. It's also important for me to acknowledge that God has answered his promise and has given us another chance to be parents.

Here are some pictures from a trip my friend Amber and I took to the Abbey of Gethsemane in Kentucky in mid-October last year. We had this trip planned before I knew about the pregnancy or miscarriage...but, the timing couldn't have been more perfect. This monastery has always been one of my happy places and I was glad for the peace and quiet while I was struggling with so many questions.

Abbey of Gethsemane

Peaceful Lake

Stolen Moment with the Deer

38-39 Weeks

2008-10-27T08:31:00.004-04:00

Dear Baby B--

Well, sweet girl, this is probably the last letter I will write you while you're growing in my belly. And it's probably the last time I'll write to you as "Baby B" ;). We're all so anxious to see what you look like...and what your name will be. Your daddy and I have a couple of names picked out, but we have decided to wait and see who you are before choosing your name. I'm hoping the decision will be easy once we see you!

The last two weeks have been long ones for several reasons. Knowing that you could be here "any day now" for a couple of weeks has made the days go by very slowly. Each day we wonder if this day will be our last one before you come. And each day we get many calls and emails from people who are so ready to meet you and love on you (mainly your grannies!) wondering if you're here yet. Everyone is definitely on baby watch '08. Which will come first: you or the new president?? Your daddy is so excited for you to be here, too. He keeps telling you to go ahead and come out to play. But, I know he has appreciated the extra days you've waited so he can get things finished up at work.

I know I've been saying it for months, but I just have to say it one more time...sweet B, carrying you, feeling you grow and having you with me constantly has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Dreaming about who you are and imagining what our new life as a family will be like has brought me so much joy. I already love you so much I think my heart may explode when I finally have you in my arms. Thank you for choosing us, little one. And thank you, God, for letting her be a part of our family. Now, come on! We're all ready to meet you! ;)

Love,

Mama

Saying Goodbye

2008-10-25T17:14:00.012-04:00

"Live life possessed

Exceed your expectations

And never, never give up."

Lisa & Doug in the Bahamas

Last week the unimaginable happened. As one of Doug's friends said at his service, "We lost a giant." Wednesday morning of last week we received the news that Doug White, Lisa's dad, was killed in a car accident. Those of us who know and love the Whites are still reeling with shock over the death of such an amazing man. Especially since it hasn't even been a year since we lost Lisa. I've struggled since the day we got that dreaded phone call with what (if anything) I wanted to say on this blog about losing Doug. And I'm not really sure that I have anything to say...there really are no words.

But, what I would like to say is how much I want to take a piece of Doug's spirit with me in all that I do. Everyone who spoke at his service (personal, professional and family) had one thing in common to say...which is that Doug "lived life to its fullest." And he did. There is no wondering where Lisa got that quality from. Doug and Lynn White have taught both Kit and me so much about treating your friends as family and your family as friends. The entire White clan are some of the most generous people I have ever known. And I wish so much to carry their spirit of giving into the lives that God places in my path.

Please keep the White family in your thoughts and prayers. So much loss...it really is unimaginable. Hold the ones you love tight. We really have no guarantee of what tomorrow is going to bring.

...in their element

Doug White

October 11, 1941 - October 14, 2008

Happy Birthday Sydney!

2008-10-20T21:00:00.003-04:00

I can't believe our precious niece Sydney turns 2 today! It seriously seems like just yesterday that we were anxiously waiting for Sydney to make her arrival. It doesn't seem possible that she has already become a big-little girl with such a sweet, fun personality. Happy birthday, precious girl! Get your mom & dad to tell you how much your Aunt Laura & Uncle Kit adore you.

playing with Uncle Kit

sweet moment with Aunt Laura

feeding Uncle Kit his bottle

Quotable Quote*

2008-10-18T11:01:00.006-04:00

"Baby, you know I'm weird. Well, actually I'm the adult version of weird. I'm eccentric."

--Kit Hughes

*said over coffee this morning in reference to another possible baby name

36-37 Weeks

2008-10-13T16:21:00.006-04:00

I have definitely felt a shift the past two weeks. I've been feeling the final month "blahs" everyone always talks about. And now I understand how women in their last month of pregnancy walk around saying, "I just want this baby out!" Which is really just funny to me because last month I remember one day thinking, "I'm going to be so sad when she's not in my belly anymore. I'm going to miss having her with me all the time and feeling her little kicks." I guess the final month of pregnancy is God's way of preparing us to be ready to do the work of labor and let go of being pregnant. I've been comparing it to having a teenager. I've heard that the final teenage years are so difficult so that both the kid & the parents can be ready for the "separation". Maybe this is a little something like that.

Now this paragraph is really just so I can remember how things are...so, if you don't want to hear all my "woe is me" chatter just skip ahead. I know the complaining is annoying. So, I had SEVERAL days last week of funky, funky intestinal stuff (won't go into details). I was so sure that it was going to last until the end. I was in so much pain one day I wondered if I was actually in labor! I also have the dreaded swollen feet...which I was so proud that I didn't have up until now. And unfortunately I do alot of walking at work which is pretty painful for my swelled up feet shoved into my work shoes. And there's definitely no point in buying new shoes at this point. Speaking of shoes, I'm now so big putting on my shoes (or rather socks & knee highs) is a major ordeal with lots of deep breaths & grunting. Nice. But, despite all of the pain & annoyances I am still so in love with this girl. Sure, her movements are bigger and take up more space. But, I still can't help feeling giddy whenever she starts dancing.

I've started my weekly midwife appointments. I tested negative for the strep B virus which is good. And baby is head down and ready to go! It's so cool that they can tell that just from feeling around on your belly. The first time she did it and said that B was head down I said, "How can you tell??" She just gave me a look like, "Silly girl...this is my JOB." But, I didn't give her time to say that...I just said, "Oh yeah, that's your job." So, now I know it's not her head I've been feeling press against my belly button...but, probably her little baby butt! They'll start checking my dilation status next week. Oh yeah, and as of today I'm officially "full term"...so, at this point it's B's game and she can start choosing her birthday! We pretty much have everything ready. Carseat installed: check. Clothes washed: check. Diapers stocked: check. Clean sheets on the cradle: check. Arms ready to hold: CHECK! Kit and I are both relaxed about the fact that it's ok if there are things left unfinished. We're just so ready for her to be here!

The highlight of the past few weeks was going to see Wicked at the Fox last week. I went with Kristen and one of her good friends, Shannon. I was hesitant to let Kristen get me a ticket at first because I wasn't sure how I was going to be feeling...or wether or not baby girl would be here. But, I'm so glad I went! I haven't been to a musical in so long...and we had GREAT seats. It is a fun show with lovable characters and catchy music. It kind of felt like a last "hoorah" for me. So, thanks K for knowing I would love that! Who knows when I'll make it to a play again??

Well, people, I know you can never really know these things...but, I really think she's going to be here soon. I won't go into details, but I've been having some signs that things are "moving". And when I told my midwife about them today her eyes got big and she said, "Well, it sounds like you're getting ready!" I know that doesn't mean a WHOLE lot...and you can be "getting ready" for several weeks. But, it's exciting to think that it really could be "any day now"!

Radiant Light

2008-10-08T08:57:00.005-04:00

"Those whom we have loved never really leave us. They live on forever in our hearts and cast their radiant light onto our every shadow."

You can't read it from here, but that's what the plaque on this swing says. My mom noticed it when I sent her a copy of this picture and she opened it on her computer. The picture file was really large and it was zoomed in right on the plaque. I was on the phone with her and she read it to me. I thought it was a beautiful message and just had to share. Oh, and yes, this is another one of Karen's fabulous shots.

The Final Countdown

2008-10-02T20:14:00.001-04:00

Alright people, we are in the final month of this thing! I am literally in the home "stretch"...in every sense of the word. It's so hard to believe that in a matter of weeks we'll have a baby girl living with us. I guess it's not really something you can fully grasp until it happens. I look at all her little onesies and socks and diapers and it's hard to imagine that SO soon a little body will be wearing them. Ah well, I don't really have much to say...just wanted to share my freak out with everyone!

Pregnant in the Park

2008-10-01T14:55:00.005-04:00

Here's a sneak peak from our maternity photo shoot we did on Saturday. I recently reconnected (thank God for Facebook!) with an old friend from high school, Karen, who is a very talented aspiring photographer. She graciously followed us all over Piedmont Park with a keen eye for the perfect shot. These are few pics she sent us from the afternoon...and I'm excited to see the rest! It wasn't exactly a traditional "maternity" shoot...we took alot of just fun/artistic couple shots in addition to preggo ones. I love this one with the city skyline. You can see that my husband is definitely the photogenic one in the family.

35 Weeks

2008-09-29T16:30:00.009-04:00

This week was action packed...and I am feeling it now! Baby B is sucking all my energy and fatigue has totally set in. So, you'll have to excuse my short blog posts. I'm finding it hard to put my thoughts down with much detail. I think I'm just doing good to get the facts straight. ;) It also hasn't helped that we were super busy with lots of fun activities this week.

I had a shower at work on Tuesday and am completely floored by everyone's generosity. I have felt so much love and encouragement from all of my co-workers (even those I don't know very well). Thank you so much Kelly, Shaina & Jan Marie for giving me such a special shower. And you guys definitely need to send me those pictures!

I also had a shower given by Kim, Kristen, Jennings & Lori on Saturday. It almost felt like a kind of reunion. I had friends that I hadn't seen in such a long time from high school, college and previous jobs there. And Kim was gracious enough to open her beautiful home for the party. Again, everyone was SO generous with what they gave us! Our home and our hearts are overflowing with gifts for this baby. And mark my words, this baby girl is going to be WAY better dressed than we are!

Kim, Me, Kristen, Jennings & Lori

Our Saturday was packed as our friend Sarah Perkins came down from Nashville to come to the shower and hang out with us. We had a blast hanging out and catching up. I know she & Kit had a good time chattin' and hangin' after I went to bed, too ;). We also had a maternity photo shoot Saturday afternoon with the super talented Karen Motiejunas. Karen's an old friend from high school and I've been admiring her work for the past few months. I'm so glad we were able to work out our schedules to do this. Hopefully I'll have some pics to share with ya'll soon.

And then Sunday we spent the day at the lake with the family & Sarah's "bobbie" friend from London. Luckily, the weather was beautiful and we were able to spend the afternoon out on the boat. I was a little bummed that everyone got to play on the jet ski but me :(. But, it just gives me something to look forward to this spring!

Oh and one more thing, Baby B gets the hiccups ALL the time now...at least every other day. ;)

34 Weeks

2008-09-22T11:42:00.006-04:00

Well, considering how the past few weeks have been...this week has been rather uneventful. On Monday we took a tour of the hospital where I will be delivering. That was exciting. The labor & delivery rooms are HUGE and so nice. Unfortunately because the l&d rooms are so big and fancy...they make the normal sized postpartum rooms look tiny. But, really, everything at Northside is very nice...and they aren't kidding about it being the "baby factory". Our tour guide told us they deliver approximately 65 babies a day there! Crazy. Taking that tour was another step towards making everything seem "real". And I'm getting so excited for her to be here!!

The big excitement for this weekend (other than resting and hanging out) was Kit painting baby girl's room. He worked so hard cleaning everything out of the room, taping off the edges, and then painting. The color looks great. Thanks for all your hard work, babe! B is so lucky to have such a talented, hard-working daddy. ;)

Working hard

"Please girl, you know stirring this paint is an art."

"Ok, enough pictures..."

Now, our task is to figure out where we're going to put everything and hang the curtains. I've stopped stressing out about everything getting done like I have for the past few months. We have the cradle set up in our room...so, B has a place to sleep when she comes. Everything else is just gravy, right? ;)

Shower Pictures

2008-09-17T20:00:00.009-04:00

Here are a few pictures from the shower on Saturday. Thanks Lori for always being such a good historian!! ;)

The Beautiful Hostesses

Gigi & DeedaSonya, Lori & Me

Great-Narnie

Precious Friends & Family

Ok, these next pictures need a little explanation. We played a little diaper game at the shower. There were 4 diapers and each was filled with a different candy bar...melted. Our task was to guess what candy bar it was. It made for some good laughs...and good pictures! ;)

The Goods

Very serious...

"Was that baby eating corn?"

"Oh, I've got this one."

"Well, Vyneta, I'm not sure...what do you think?"

33 Weeks

2008-09-15T08:46:00.012-04:00

Dear Baby B--

You and I have both grown so much the past few weeks! You're weighing in at about 4lbs now...and let's just say Mommy is rockin' an extra 25lbs these days. We had another Dr's appointment and everything is looking good. I got to hear your precious heartbeat again which is always a fun treat. Not that I need to hear your heartbeat to know you're there. You are definitely letting me know what you're up to with all your gymnastic moves! The appointment was short and sweet which is much appreciated. I'm going to start having appointments every two weeks now, which means one thing to me...you're going to be here so soon!! ;)

And speaking of your movements, I had such a special, magical moment with you this week, little one. Your daddy had a late meeting at work and I was tired and sore from my long day at work. I decided to take a warm bubble bath and catch up on some reading. But how could I do any reading after you decided bath time was the start of dance hour?! So, I rubbed and patted you back when you made little moves. And then I looked down at my belly and I could physically see you moving around! I was mesmerized. You would make a movement and I would watch my belly roll like a wave. Then you would do a little kick and I would see another part of my belly giggle. I still can't tell what little body parts I'm seeing or feeling when you move, but it was so amazing to watch you and wonder what you will look like & be like. So, I watched you and prayed for you and tried to let you know through my rubs & pats how much I love you.

Baby B, we both had a very big weekend this week. My dear friends (and your "aunts") Cindy, Jenny and Stephanie threw us a wonderful brunch shower on Saturday. There was yummy food to munch on and plenty of love to go around. And you got so many beautiful and thoughtful gifts! Your Gigi and great-Narnie were there and Deeda even came all the way down from Paducah. Great-aunt Terri, great-great-aunt Vyneta and young, hip aunt Sarah came too. The bad girls were represented by Kristen and Lori and of course Lisa's spirit. And Sonya, as usual, kept everyone entertained with witty comments & a new rap ;). Our "new" cousin Jane and Andy's girlfriend Beth also came...as well as special mothers Ann & Patty. And many, many thanks to Diane (Steph's mom) for opening her home for this special party.

Sweet girl, the blessings that filled that room were palpable. Your aunt Cindy said the most beautiful prayer to start off the morning that left everyone in tears. She put into words so eloquently how God has walked us through the journey of receiving you. And how He has been with us every step of the way. It amazes me how much you are so loved already! I thank God for the friends and family we have been given. The souls who have been willing to cry and walk through sadness with us...and then rally around us with praise and excitement for the precious gift you are. You are truly blessed to be born into such a community.

I want you to keep on cookin', girl. But know we are all counting down the days until we get to meet you, see your sweet face and love on you!

Love,

Mama

32 Weeks

2008-09-08T08:14:00.005-04:00

Be still my beating heartburn. Yuck. This week I feel like the blissful, energy filled portion of this program is OVER. I guess I may just still be worn out from our travels to Paducah. But, I am definitely feeling different this week. I have been having mad heartburn and other yucky stuff going on in my tummy. The heartburn has been so bad it even woke me up in the middle of the night the other day! Gross. I have also been really tired, which I suppose can be partially attributed to waking up several times during the night to pee. But enough complaining! ;)

We went to a childbirth prep class at my OB's office on Saturday which was sorely disappointing. I didn't really learn anything that I hadn't read already. I guess it was good for Kit since he hasn't been reading like I have. But, the class really didn't give any guidance on "childbirth"...it was more just an explanation of all the interventions that could happen while you're in the hospital. The class didn't offer any help with how to deal with labor. Which is fine with me because we're starting our Hypnobirthing classes at the end of this month to learn alternative ways to manage labor. I guess I just expected more from this class and was a little disappointed.

One of my Baby B highlights from this week happened on Saturday night. Kit was in NYC for the weekend, so I stayed with my parents after the birthday party. I was in bed reading when I started feeling B's nightly dance routine. After a few minutes I noticed that her kicks were coming rhythmically, one right after the other. I had never felt anything like it before. It took me a moment to catch on...but I eventually realized I was feeling her hiccup! So, I giggled to myself and kept my hand on my belly until they stopped. It was actually very reassuring. I had read in all my books that babies can get hiccups "all the time", and I was wondering why I never felt them. I was up pretty late that night, so I'm wondering if she's been having them after I'm usually asleep.

Well, that's all I've got for this week. I need to post some more pictures soon so my out of town peeps can see how big we're getting! ;)

Happy Birthday Nana!

2008-09-07T17:12:00.005-04:00

Nana at her 101st birthday party

Today is Baby B's great-great grandmother's 103rd birthday. Our family is so blessed to have Nana, our own living legacy, still with us. We are all constantly amazed with Nana's health & longevity. Our family had a nice birthday party last night for her and my dad out at my parents' house. Nana was full of jokes and stories and kisses for everyone. Many thanks to Narnie, my grandmother, for providing such loving care & companionship to Nana on a daily basis. Your presence is helping so much to keep her health & spirits well. Baby B will be Nana's 3rd great-great grandchild and it will be such a special moment in time for me to be a part of 5 generations of women.

Me & Nana at the Aquarium for her 101st birthday

31 Weeks

2008-09-01T20:16:00.002-04:00

Well, this has been a very eventful week! I spent the majority of my free time (when I wasn't sleeping) getting ready for our weekend trip to Paducah. I took the day off on Friday and Kit took a half day so we could hit the road early. And thank goodness we did! We left around 2pm and managed to miss any real traffic...which is quite a feat going through Atlanta, Chattanooga and Nashville. This will be our last trip up there until baby B comes. And thankfully our last road trip, period. Although I am still feeling pretty good...being in the car for 6 hours was definitely feeling more uncomfortable than it ever has before.

But it was totally worth it! MamaRita (or Deeda, which is her "granny" name) gave me a shower on Saturday and I was blown away by everyone's generosity. For you Paducah friends and family that read here...thank you, thank you, thank you for such a special day! I am so grateful not just for the material things, but for all the love and blessings that filled the house. It's so comforting to know that baby B is coming into the world under the care & prayer of such wonderful people. Deeda, baby B is so lucky to have such a loving and devoted grandmother. I so appreciate all the ways that you give to us. And Lesli, thank for everything you did to help out. It was truly a perfect day!

Now there is a new task at hand...finding a space and place for all of this lovely new stuff! I know this is only the beginning of B's stuff taking over our lives. Bring it on! ;) Ryan took some great pictures during the shower. I'll try to post some up here later this week. Thanks Ryan!

30 Weeks

2008-08-25T13:18:00.007-04:00

How you feelin'? Hot Hot Hot! Human oven, Laura Hughes, reporting from Get-these-covers-off-of-me, Georgia. ;) The term "bun in the oven" has never felt so relevant. I have always been a sleep with the covers kind of gal. Even in the summer I like the safety and comfort of being all covered up. Not anymore! Now I am a side-sleeping, no cover wearing, body pillow hugging girl who wakes up at least three times a night to pee. Gone are the days of falling asleep on my back all nestled in my covers ready for a perfectly uninterrupted 8-9 hours of sleep. Now I'm dealing with the prospect on any given night I might wake up to pee and not be able to fall back asleep for several hours. I'm not sure who this new person is...

Well, I'm afraid this week has been the calm before the storm. After this week we enter into no-free-weekend zone. Every weekend between now and the end of September we have something baby related going on. And our weekdays are filled too with pediatrician interviews, hospital tours and child-birthing classes. Thankfully by the time October gets here things won't be so hectic. I've tried to schedule all our going-ons before October just in case little missy comes early. But, I'm hoping she'll stay right on schedule and we'll be able to relax and nest during my favorite month of the year. And did I mention we're down to 10 weeks left!

This has been the week of "You're how far along?? You're kidding!" I definitely would not say that I'm "carrying small"...Lord knows I have packed on plenty of new weight. But, I am carrying spread out and not all right out in front. This has the joyous effect of simply making me look fat...and not pregnant. At least not to strangers. And for those of you who are about to say, "No, Laura...you definitely look pregnant!"...I have to tell you I met a couple this weekend who could not tell I was pregnant. We were eating at a restaurant for a friend's birthday and they asked what was good. I told them the last time I was there I had really bad morning sickness so nothing really seemed good. They proceeded to ask how old my child was! I said, "Um, well about 7 months" and patted my belly. They went on and on about they couldn't even tell I was pregnant. I think I would take it as a compliment if I hadn't already gained so much weight. I think maybe it also depends on what I wear. I need to be rocking more high waisted shirts so I can take advantage of the kindness of strangers while I can. ;)

I had another Dr.'s appointment this week and everything looks good. I asked the Dr. about how I am carrying and if I should be concerned that the baby isn't growing enough. Her words were, "Don't worry. Sometimes first babies 'hide'." She said as long as I'm feeling consistent movement (and boy am I ever!) and measuring on track all should be good. Baby B's heartbeat was still going strong.

For the past couple of weeks I have been having what I think are Braxton Hicks contractions sporadically. I'm not having them very much...not even everyday. They're coming maybe once or twice every few days. When it happens my belly gets really tight like everything is tensing up. And it usually feels like my uterus is pressing directly on my bladder. Whenever it happens I either have to sit still until it passes...or make a beeline for the bathroom. I wouldn't say that they're painful...it's just a weird sensation.

I am so excited for our trip to Paducah this weekend! It will be our last trip until B gets here. The Hughes are throwing us a shower which should be a lot of fun. Plus it will be good to spend time with the family. Hope you all have a safe and fun Labor Day weekend!

28-29 Weeks

2008-08-18T11:10:00.016-04:00

Hello 3rd trimester...and hello appetite!! I can't believe we've made it this far! The end is definitely in sight (scarily!). I am really feeling more pregnant lately since I am FINALLY starting to have a true baby belly and not just extra fluff. Plus, my appetite is just now starting to resemble a hungry pregnant lady. Other than wanting a little bit of chocolate everyday and craving fruit...I haven't really had any of the odd cravings you hear about. Nor have I really had a bigger appetite. I've been pretty much eating the way I always do with an extra snack here and there (oh, and some form of chocolate pretty much everyday)...until this week. Now I'm feeling more hungry and my usual servings sizes aren't always cutting it. Hopefully, it won't get too out of control! ;)

Also, I have been so tired the past few weeks. I am attributing the appetite and sleepiness to baby B's growth. She's measuring in at about 2 1/2 pounds right now. And considering she will grow another 3-5 pounds between now and her birth...it's no wonder she's sucking everything out of me! Another weird symptom I've been having lately is difficulty breathing. Actually, it's a really common symptom...not that weird. It just feels weird when it happens. It's not all the time...just every once in a while I'll start to notice that my breathing is labored. And it usually isn't connected with anything specific. It's just as likely to happen in the middle of the night as when I'm doing an activity.

I'll leave you with a funny story. This actually happened a few weeks ago...but, I keep forgetting to write about it. So, I finally had a stranger comment on my pregnancy. I know since I'm not carrying all out in front of me it's taken a while for me to really look pregnant and not just chubby. Anyways, I co-teach a class on preparing for a kidney transplant for potential patients and their families on Tuesday afternoons. I was waiting in the back of the room for my turn to teach and I noticed a rather large man sitting in the back of the room. Just to get the character in your mind...he was wearing overalls and a John Deer type hat. He really did look fresh off the farm. While I was sitting back there he got up and slowly walked to the refrigerator to get his Coke out and slowly walked back to his seat. When it was my turn to teach my co-worker introduced me and I headed for the front of the class. Now you have to understand that the "mood" of these classes are different every week. Sometimes we get a very serious or even angry group...and sometimes they are light-hearted and jokey. On this day I could sense they were having a good time. So, I get up and start walking to the front and my overall-wearing friend in the back hollers out, "What you walking so slow for?!" The class chuckles and before I know what I'm saying I take my cue for a comeback..."I know what my excuse is...what's yours?" Everyone laughs and the man hollers back, "Well, I was born this way!". I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

Now ya'll know what I've said about pregnant Laura...she's feisty! But, seriously...if my boss is reading this, it was all in good-hearted fun. I was just building some rapport. ;)

As you can see, Kit fixed the picture on my banner to make it fit the whole screen. Thanks, love...it looks great!

Remembering Our First Angel

2008-08-17T17:25:00.004-04:00

A year ago today was the due date for our first pregnancy. Today we would have a one-year old if things had gone differently. This week I've been very quiet inside as I remember the one we didn't get to keep. I've always been a date person...I can remember people's birthdays (although not as good as my mom), anniversaries, and random events. So, even with all the joy and gratitude I have to be carrying baby B...I can't help but remember a time with this date held so much promise for us.

I found out I was pregnant in mid-December 2006. It was Christmas season and I can still hear the songs on the Sarah McLachlan Christmas album I was playing over and over when I think about that month. Our niece had just been born a month and a half earlier and I was so excited that these cousins were going to be so close in age. Both of our parents were with us that Christmas...so, we got to share the news and excitement with them together. It never even crossed my mind to be worried that something would go wrong. My great-grandmother had 8 children, for crying out loud! Losing a baby was probably the furthest thing from my mind.

I guess part of the pain from losing that first baby came from my naivete. It probably didn't help that the miscarriage itself was pretty traumatic...complete with a night spent in the ER. And for a girl who's hardly ever been sick, much less in the hospital, it was all a shock to my system. But none of that compares with the utter heartache I felt in the days, weeks, months that followed. I had no idea my heart could break the way it did. For a long time I couldn't see how I would get out of muck of that grief.

A year ago today I remember bracing myself for what I was sure was going to be a hard day. I took the day off of work and Kit & I went down to Savannah to work on the house. I wanted to spend the morning by myself to have room for tears and a kind of final remembering. For the past 7 months I had been plagued with thinking things like, "Today I would be in my second trimester" or "We would be having our big ultrasound this week." This day would be the last date that held meaning for that pregnancy...and I was hoping to have some kind of release.

And wouldn't you know it...God surprised me with joy that day. I couldn't even find a tear. I spent the morning taking a long walk and going over with God everything I had to be grateful for that had happened the past year. It was definitely not how I expected to spend that morning...but, I am so thankful for that memory. During the months after the miscarriage I remember thinking that I wouldn't be happy or feel joy until I was pregnant again. God wanted to show me a different way. I had grieved...and healing had occurred.

So today I'm remembering the baby we never got to meet...the angel that gave us so much in such a short a time. I remember the way my heart broke and truly grieved that we would never hold that baby during this life. But, I also remember how losing this baby brought me so deep into the presence of God's healing. I remember how He very carefully sewed up the hole in my heart and once again gave me joy.

08.08.08*

2008-08-08T08:00:00.012-04:00

Today I am carrying around the memory of an event that will never happen. Today we should be in the Bahamas. Today we should be celebrating Lisa's marriage to John. I remember so well when she told us they were planning their wedding for this date in the Bahamas. I was amazed by her hope and ability to continue living and planning even when she was submerged in treatments and Dr. visits. She had just completed her stem cell transplant and was living with the full conviction that healing was inevitable. Let's plan a wedding! Kit set up a website for the event and they sent out save the date cards. 08.08.08...They chose this day because John's hockey number is 8 and they thought it would be an easy way for him to remember their anniversary. This was going to be a celebration like none other. We were already anticipating so much to be grateful for. After everything they had battled, they deserved to have the party of the decade.

I was pregnant with my second pregnancy when they started planning the wedding and the baby was due in May. I remember being so concerned about what I was going to do with our 3 month old while we made the trip to the Bahamas. I couldn't imagine being away from such a small baby...but how would a 3 month old do with such a trip? I wanted to be able to kick back and enjoy the festivities...but already I was a protective mommy and didn't want to think about leaving my little one. What a life lesson this all has been....because here we are today, no wedding trip to the Bahamas and no 3 month old baby. Sometimes you really have no idea how things are going to go.

I have been missing Lisa in a very selfish way the past few weeks. It's funny the way grief sneaks up on you and hits you in seemingly random ways. I had one of those moments the other day where I was struck with such an obvious fact it seemed odd that I was even having such thoughts. I don't remember exactly what I was doing...but, all of a sudden the thought popped in my mind, "Oh my goodness...Lisa never even knew I was pregnant. Her last memory of me was my last miscarriage." And even as I was thinking this, another part of me was thinking, "Well, duh, Laura...of course she didn't." But even as obvious as this is, the reality of it still took my breath away like it was the first time I realized it.

I had the same type of moment when I watched The Business of Being Born a month or so ago. The movie itself is a fairly emotional documentary about pregancy and childbirth in America...and I suppose I am in a pretty hormonal way right now. Anyways, at the end of the movie they played an Emmylou Harris song about angels. I'm not really sure what song it is, but it hit me swift and strong. Lisa loved Emmylou. And the combination of images of new babies and Emmylou crooning about angels sent me over the edge. I began sobbing uncontrollably with the realization that that is what Lisa is to us now...an angel. She won't be here when our daughter is born. She won't rub on my growing belly and giggle at how big I'm getting. She won't share in all the little memories I've been holding so dear. And most painful of all...baby girl will never know her Aunt Lisa. And while all this stuff is so obvious and selfish...it still hits me sometimes like I'm just now learning of her death.

So today I hold my open palms up to God. I say thank you for my precious daughter...for her heartbeat and breath and little kicks. I embrace my gratitude and happiness and lightness of being that I felt so far from a year ago. And I also embrace my sadness. I let myself question why Lisa is gone. I let my tears flow for all the plans that didn't get to be...for weddings we'll never get to celebrate and babies we'll never get to hold. And isn't this living? Always teetering between the bitter and the sweet. I accept it all...and pray for the strength to walk through all seasons of life with hope, gratitude and a very big love.

*How bizarre is it that I made this post at exactly 8am??

Sweet Memory

2008-08-05T20:33:00.008-04:00

I am constantly one step behind baby B's kicks when trying to get Kit (or really anyone) to feel her. We have spent so many moments on the couch watching tv with his hand patiently on my belly...waiting. Nope, not her style. She likes to wait until after I go to bed to put on her dancin' shoes. And boy does she ever! I didn't realize exactly how much she was moving at night until I woke up at 3am one morning for my third trip to the bathroom. When I laid back down she was dancin' all over the place! So this is when you get your groove on, girl?

Most nights I am in bed and knocked out before Kit is even thinking about going to bed...especially when I have to be up early for work the next day. Well, this morning Kit told me about the sweetest moment he & B shared last night after I was already asleep. He said that when he came to bed he snuggled up with me and put his hand on my belly and she was kicking away. So, he stayed there for a bit and relished the presence of his baby girl. I thought it was cute that he said, "How do you sleep when she's moving like that? Doesn't it wake you up?" ;) I guess not!

I am so glad he was finally able to really feel her moving like I get to everyday. Feeling her baby kicks is such a precious reminder that she's really here and she's growing and she's a part of who we are. I loved hearing the happiness in his voice and had images of many daddy-daughter moments to come.

27 Weeks

2008-08-03T21:51:00.010-04:00

Welcome home Sarah!! Sister Sarah has been studying and gallivanting around London for the past 6 weeks and just got home this weekend. My parents and Narnie went to visit her and tour the area for the last week of her trip. I'm envious of all that they got to see and experience...but, not of all the traveling. Part of me wishes we got to go too. But I know I would have been miserable and worn out with all the walking, subway and train rides and long flights. Next time!

So, our duty while the family was gone was to keep Mitzi (my parent's shitzu). It was definitely our turn...as Mom & Dad have kept Penny so many times for us to travel and play. But, I have to say I was more than ready to pass her off today when they got home. Oh Mitzi, Mitzi, Mitzi...She's an old dog, prissy and set in her ways. And she loves my dad like nothing else. And why shouldn't she? He treats her like the princess: long walks, car rides wherever he goes, a little bit of wet food mixed in with her dry, and of course the endless table scraps. Penny always comes home way spoiled when she stays with them. To quote my mom, "When I die, I want to come back as one of Ted's dogs." Really, the animals at my parent's house have the good life.

So it's no wonder that when Ted is away Mitzi is prone to mild-severe depression. This can involve protesting food & treats, sleeping all day, and staying underneath the bed for hours (even when you have a platform bed that really is too close to the ground to be squeezing under). But Mitzi's prize-winning act of defiance this week was a little stunt she pulled last Saturday. Sonya and I had been to the grocery store getting stuff for the party and Kit was up at the pool relaxing. When we got home we were in and out of the garage bringing in groceries. On one of our "outs" back to the garage Mitzi saw her opening and slipped through the open door. And while I was focused on Mitzi, Penny made her escape.

So now both of the dogs are trotting down the street pleased with their Saturday adventure. I wasn't too concerned because we do live in a gated community. I yelled for Sonya to get their leashes and headed after them. It wasn't until I actually got to the gate opening that I realized there is a perfect dog-sized gap in the gate where cars come in. And there's no sign of the dogs. Shoot!! I leave the community and take off running down the street where I see Mitzi darting through traffic to the other side. So here I am 6 months pregnant, running down the street, screaming and half crying for Mitzi. All the while trying to call Kit on my cellphone. I know I looked like a lunatic. I wasn't as worried about Penny because I knew she would come when she was called. And she did. Thank goodness for Sonya! She came running behind me with leashes and immediately grabbed Penny (who hadn't made the trek across the street), leashed her and hung it on a stake in the ground. Then she took off across the street to fetch Mitzi.

Sonya was able to seduce Mitzi, wrangle her with the leash and bring her home. All the while I am in such a tizzy I'm afraid I have hurt the baby. It's not good to have such high emotions during pregnancy, right? But, we all survived. Mitzi survived my wrath...Baby B and I survived the whole ordeal. We even had just enough time for a cocktail (juice and sparkling water) and a short nap before the party. Mitzi, I love ya...but, I'm glad you're home.

In baby news, we bought our crib and changing table from Ikea yesterday! After months of deliberating and comparing we took the plunge. I have to give a big shout out to Kit who spent the majority of the day today putting them together. Thanks, love...they look great! They're still hanging out in a room half filled with other non-baby stuff...but, it's a start, right? It's nice being able to cross things off the long list.

26 Weeks

2008-07-27T15:54:00.007-04:00

This week I got BIG! I mean, I can really tell a difference in my size and the way my body is carrying the weight. I find myself doing all kinds of stereotypical pregnant woman things like struggling to get off the couch and up out of our low-sitting platform bed. That was when I new something had shifted...when it was hard to get out of bed. But, I am still loving my growing belly! I am definitely not to the point where I am so huge I am miserable. In fact, I still don't feel like my belly is all that big compared to other parts of my body.

We've taken to calling the little one "Baby B" or just "B". Choosing a name is proving to be much harder than I thought it would be. It's very important to me to have a name that both Kit and I like and feel connected to. But so far our favorites aren't exactly matching up. I'm starting to think this may be a delivery day decision. So until then...she'll be B.

I had another Dr's appointment this week and things are still looking good. I got to hear B's heart beating again and it was thumping away at 140 bpm. Mama's blood pressure is good too. I had to do the 1 hour glucose tolerance test which is what they use to test for gestational diabetes. You drink this really syrupy drink that tastes like thick, sugary gatorade and then wait an hour. Then they take some blood and run the test. I haven't heard anything back from the Dr. yet...so, I'm assuming that's good.

Well, with the help of many wonderful friends Kit's party was a success! He had a great time...and that's really all that matters in my book. We had a good representation of new friends from Philips and Trinity along with our old faithfuls. For everyone that came and brought food, gifts and hugs...Thank You!!! You all made this a very special birthday for Kit. He was beaming all weekend and said over and over how much fun he had. Thanks for helping me give him something he will always remember.

mosaic of me

2008-07-24T10:59:00.005-04:00

Links to the flickr pictures above:
1. Laura y el aire, 2. Casa Viva's Mexican Village - Tulsa, 3. brookwood_grave2-0038-01, 4. Blue Light, 5. James McAvoy-2, 6. adelsheim pinot noir, 7. Manarola, Cinque Terre, Italy, 8. Dessert: Chocolate Souffle with Trio of Ice Creams, 9. 'Y' for Yoga, 10. Husband & Daughter, 11. Italian tender, loving & care, 12. Attache ta tuque

This is a fun game I've seen on a couple of blogs I read. If you want to play, here's how you do it...Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr search, using only the first page, choose your favorite image, copy and paste each of the URL’s into the mosaic maker (3 columns, 4 rows).

The questions:

1. What is your first name? (Laura)

2. What is your favorite food? (Mexican)

3. What high school did you attend? (Brookwood)

4. What is your favorite color? (Light Blue)

5. Who is your celebrity crush? (James McAvoy)

6. Favorite drink? (Pinot Noir)

7. Dream vacation? (Italy)

8. Favorite dessert? (Chocolate Souffle)

9. What do you want to be when you grow up? (Yoga Instructor)

10.What do you love most in life? (Husband)

11. One word to describe you. (Tender)

12. Your Flickr name. (Ta Fille)

Happy Birthday, Love!

2008-07-23T20:52:00.006-04:00

Kit & Paul rocking out in Nashville~age 20

Kit teaching Willis the robot in Africa~age 29

Welcome to your 30's, sweet love! You have a very big year in front of you. What a way to usher in a new decade! I hope you know how proud I am of who you are and what you've accomplished since I've known you. You are an inspiration to me and so many around you. I pray that your next decade brings you new challenges and opportunities to grow. Happy birthday!

24-25 Weeks

2008-07-20T19:20:00.003-04:00

These past two weeks I've felt as giddy as a school girl in love. More and more I am feeling baby girl's movements and they never cease to stop me in my tracks. I can feel them from the outside at least once a day. And Kit even felt his first kick the other day! He was so cute. He just looked up at me with big eyes and said, "Was that it??" Oh yes, dear, that was it...the first of many.

I am also feeling soooooo much better! Thanks to Dr. Caroline's magic, my back is like new. Well, maybe not quite like new...but, I am able to get through my day now with very little discomfort. Thank you Dr. C! And without the back pain, I am finally feeling the "second trimester bliss" everyone always talks about. My energy is renewed and I'm feeling great. This is definitely helping me get through my days at work. I'll take it while I can!

Well, you all will be proud of me. I braved Babies R Us today. And with the help of my sweet Mom I started my registry. It actually went better than I expected. I only had a few overwhelming moments...mostly when I had to choose between several brands of something. Like, you wouldn't believe how many different kinds of monitors there are! Give me a break, people...do we really need a $200 monitor that works across state lines?? But now that my registry is all set up I can add and remove things online. Gotta love technology!

Of course the highlight of the past two weeks was our trip to Charleston. And I am so glad I was feeling good while we were there. The next few weeks are going to be busy, busy! Kit's 30th birthday is coming up...I've got to get ready for his party next Saturday...and Sonya is here for two weeks! No time for laying around. Hope you all are enjoying your summer as much as I am!

Charleston

2008-07-17T20:49:00.009-04:00

This past weekend Kit & I got to spend several days just the two of us in Charleston, SC. We had a fabulous time touring the city, playing & relaxing on the beach and just enjoying each other's company. This will be our last little get-away (as just a couple) we'll have before baby girl joins our family. Although I do know she is very blessed to have two sets of ready & willing grandparents...so, mommy & daddy should have no problems having romantic weekends in the future. ;)

One of the activities we enjoyed most was a walking church tour through one of the most historic parts of town. I know we are big nerds...but, it really was cool & interesting. The first two pictures are from our favorite church that we visited, Circular Congregational Church. They had 1,000 origami cranes hanging at the front of the church which were called the 1,000 Cranes of Peace. Kit mentioned that he would love to do something like this in baby girl's room. I think it would be beautiful. So, if anyone has origami skills they want to share...hook us up! ;) Another interesting thing about the old churches was the graveyards that were around them. Some of them had graves from the 1700s. You could really see a difference in how "tombstone art" has changed over the years.

We spent one day doing activities in the city and 2 days hanging out at the beach. It was the perfect combination of activity and relaxation. I have been so blessed to have a companion who enjoys doing the same things as I do. So, when we go on vacations we never have any disagreements over what we should do. Plus, Kit's been working so hard lately...I think we were both just glad to have uninterrupted time together. This trip was just what we needed to gear up for all the preparations we're going to be focused on for the next 3 months.

1,000 Cranes of Peace

Beautiful tree covered with Spanish Moss in old graveyard

Kit standing outside of an 11 foot door at a colonial home

Kit on the trolley after a long day in the Charleston sun

Rockin the 24 week belly

Enjoying a peaceful moment in a big swing on the harbour

Playing at the beach

22-23 Weeks

2008-07-07T08:54:00.009-04:00

Here is my 5 month belly! I'm finally starting to feel like I'm looking pregnant and not just chubbers. Yay! I feel a little weird posting a picture of just me...but, I want to remember how I look as baby girl is growing, growing. I have to admit that I'm not thrilled with the way my body has chosen to carry all of this new weight. I look at other cute, little pregnant women and feel a little jealous that all their weight sits beautifully right on their basketball belly. Meanwhile I am just packing it on all over...arms, face, chest. And my belly is growing awfully slow. Ah well, just another lesson in lack of control!

For the past two weeks my back pain has increased to a really bad level. After spending the latter half of my day off last Monday lying on the couch...I decided that was enough. I have been having pretty consistent mid-back pain since the beginning of May. I'm not sure what I thought was going to happen...It would just go away? Well, after Monday I was desperate. I knew I couldn't spend 4 more months on the couch. So, I found a chiropractor and started treatments. Dr. Caroline specializes in pregnancy chiropractics and I'm hopeful that she can help me heal.

As with most significant and formative events in life, I have not experienced pregnancy the way I thought I would. I have been very healthy and relatively active my whole life. I rarely get sick or injured and have been blessed to be able to run, walk and practice yoga with little difficulty. I guess I always figured I would have an easy, active pregnancy with little physical difficulties. Oh no, pregnancy has been a whole different world for me. First it was the nausea, which was completely debilitating. Then came the back pain, which has given me a new appreciation for people who have to navigate this type of pain day in and day out. It's really difficult to find energy and motivation when you're in this kind of pain. So, I am praying my sessions with Dr. Caroline will bring some healing and relief.

But in the midst of the pain, I can't help but feel so much joy and gratitude. Especially when I feel baby girl kick! This week I felt her kick from the outside for the first time. It was so cool! I called Kit over and quickly put his hand on my belly to give him a feel...but, of course she got shy. She's been pretty quiet since that night which has had me a little worried. But, I'm thinking maybe she's having a growth spurt or something and she's storing up her energy. I can't wait for Kit to be able to feel her kick. I don't think he really believes that I can feel her moving around. ;)

I finally broke down and bought a body pillow last week. My hope is that it will help me with my attempts to sleep on my side. So far...not so good. First of all, there's something about sleeping on my side that really aggravates my back pain and it just plain hurts. And it feels FINE when I'm lying on my back (go figure). So even when I can manage to fall asleep on my side (which is rare)...inevitably, when I wake up I'm on my back. Kit's so funny. One morning after I got the pillow he said, "So, if I come to bed and see that you're on your back should I wake you up and make you move? I don't want you to die." Always the protector!

Overall the past two weeks I've been pretty overwhelmed and wrapped up with everything that needs to be done in the next few months. This is the main reason I've been such a bad blogger. Lately when I've been at the computer I've been too busy researching this new world of baby "stuff" that we are slowly entering. And for those of you who know me well, you can imagine that this has been more than a little overwhelming for the anti-shopper, non-decision-maker in me. My friend Cindy gave me some very reassuring advice. She refers to the myriad of stuff looming at Babies R Us as "little luxuries". And she is quick to assure me that while there are very helpful items available that our mothers and grandmothers never had...what baby girl needs more than anything is her mommy and daddy. The marketers at these stores are very clever. They know just how to make a young, inexperienced mother feel like she "needs" their product in order to give her baby the best. So, my new mantra in the face of all these messages is, "This baby is going to be just fine no matter what 'things' we have or don't have when she arrives."

Unlike the never-ending days of the first trimester, time is starting to go by so quickly. And even with the challenges my body is giving me I already feel like it's going by too fast. Don't get me wrong, I am so looking forward to meeting this girl and having her here in my arms. But, there is something so precious about what is going on in my body and it feels like it's going to be over in just another minute. Thank you, God, for each new day I get to carry our growing girl. Please help me to cherish every moment and hold on to this glorious dance of the miraculous.

21 Weeks

2008-06-22T14:14:00.004-04:00

Baby girl--

This week has been such an exciting week for your daddy and me. Through the blessing of technology we were able to see how much you have been growing and how all your organs are just as they should be. I don't think I can describe what a relief that was. Plus, we got to see how you are changing from "other-worldly" to looking like a baby human. During the ultrasound it was sometimes hard to make out what we were looking at (especially through my tears) and it all happened so fast. But, when your daddy and I went out to the waiting room and I was able to really look at the pictures I let out a little gasp and said, "Oh babe...she's so pretty." And I'm sure part of that is me entering mommy-biased world...but, I have to say dear, you really do have a fabulous profile.

Something happened that day inside your daddy, too. I would say it was the day things really "sunk in". He immediately realized the importance of getting our home ready for your presence. And he brought up that it was time to start talking about little girl names. (When you're older we'll talk about how you might have been Archimedes ;).) Later that night he told me that it has been hard for him to really comprehend your arrival...especially with all that we experienced last year. I don't think either of us really knew how to fully accept that you would one day be more than a dream.

I have been loving you for 4 months now. I guess if I really thought about it I would say it's been longer than that. But, I found out that we were expecting you 4 months ago on my birthday (no, I couldn't have asked for a better present!). And while I have been loving you and praying for your health and safe arrival all along...there was something about finding out that you are a girl that has made the whole experience even more beautiful. Our girl, our daughter, our little lady. My eyes fill with tears just thinking about what a blessing you already are. Carrying you and fully embracing my role as your mother has made me so happy.

One day when you're older I'll tell you the story of how God gave you to us. I'll tell you about the heartache and loss. I'll tell you about the hoping and dreaming. I'll tell you about the tears and the moments I so wanted to give up. I'll tell you all of this not because our story is unique, little one. I want you to know this story because as much as I wish it weren't so I know one day you will have your own trials and times in the desert. I want you to know our story of trusting God and believing Him even in the darkness. Stories of God's faithfulness bring hope and light when all we want to do is say, "enough."

And you are here, sweet girl, because of His faithfulness.

With all my love,

Mama

Isn't She Lovely

2008-06-18T17:34:00.011-04:00

That's our girl! Wow...girl...it's still sinking in. What an exciting and emotional day it has been! The best news is that she is growing right on schedule and things appear to be going well. Everything is definitely becoming more real...especially for Kit. It's so cute to see him finally start to get excited and motivated to get things ready. I think it's hard for men to really comprehend all that is happening and start to form a bond until things become a little more concrete. I can't wait to watch him fall in love with this girl. I'll write more about our day later...I just wanted to get the picture up and share the news!

20 Weeks

2008-06-16T21:11:00.010-04:00

And we're halfway there! It's so amazing to have made it this far. It feels like such a milestone. I am so grateful that things have been going smoothly. Just keep cooking, little one...we can be patient!

This week has been busy, busy. There hasn't been any time to slow down and remember I'm pregnant. Thankfully I've been feeling good and able to keep up with all the summer fun! Steve and Rita came down Friday night for a Father's Day trip to Saint Simon's Island. We had a blast chilling out and checking out the town. Saint Simon's is one of Kit and my favorite places to go...and it was fun to share it with them. Steve is a big lover of lighthouses so all four of us made the 129-step climb up to the top (see, I told you there's no time to remember I'm pregnant!). I was definitely wo' out after that adventure. But, the view was amazing...so it was totally worth it.

We also went kayaking through the marsh our last morning there. Kit and I have done it before and loved it...so, we thought it would be a great activity. I did at least have some sense about me and suggested that Kit and I go in a double kayak instead of trying to do all the work of a single one myself. Turns out that was the way to go. I felt fine and was able to paddle strong...but, I definitely had moments of weakness that I was glad to be able to honor. Thanks for doing most of the paddling, babe!

And there is a reason I am being sensitive about what I try to do. Earlier this week I was getting ready to take our load of recycling to the center. I checked the container and noticed that it was pretty heavy. So I said to myself, "Ok, I'll just be sure to use my legs." (Cause that's what they always say...lift with your legs, not your back, right?) Well, I guess I overestimated my understanding of what "lifting with your legs" was...because as soon as I lifted that container I heard an audible "snap!" coming from my lower back. I was so scared. The pain was pretty intense for most of the day, but luckily it only lasted for a few days and no real damage was done. But let me tell you, people...I have learned my lesson! I thought all that talk of pregnant women not lifting was just people being overly cautious. Oh the things I have to learn...

I am starting to be able to feel more movement from the little one. I can't stress how lovely this feeling is. It still doesn't feel like "kicks"...and it's still not consistent. I don't usually feel anything if I'm walking or moving around. And it seems that maybe the car puts it to sleep too. We had a long car ride this weekend and I didn't notice any movement while we were riding. I notice most of the movement when I am still and when I am eating. Baby definitely loves chocolate (or at least that's my excuse)! ;) I know this sounds so sappy, but everytime I feel the baby move I am struck with such a feeling of awe at how incredible this whole process is. I mean, I have a little person, a new soul, a child of God growing inside me. I'm sure there will come a time when the kicks will lose their awe and just become part of the routine. But for now I'm enjoying experiencing the mystery and miracle of it all.

We'll be having another look at the little one this week. For the most part I am excited...although there is still a part of me that gets anxious when I think about ultrasounds. When I do have anxious and fearful thoughts, I'm trying to just give them to God and acknowledge that I am not in control of this pregnancy. If little one cooperates we should also find out the sex. I realized last night that if baby decides to keep the little legs closed...I will totally be ok with it. But, I definitely don't think the rest of our friends and family would be. ;)

Hope everyone is having a great week! Thanks again for sharing in this special and exciting leg of our journey.

She's Here!

2008-06-11T08:25:00.006-04:00

Olive Grace made her appearance into the world last night! Many congrats to new parents Brian & Page! We can't wait to meet her. Check her out at Brian's website.

Also, one of my dear friends and roommates from college just had her baby girl. Jenn (formerly Helm) and Mason welcomed baby Lizzie to the world on Monday. Congrats to Jenn & Mason, too!

Praise God for healthy babies born to beautiful, caring parents!

19 Weeks

2008-06-08T12:25:00.004-04:00

This week has been more feeling good and more growing. The baby is now the size of an heirloom tomato and my uterus is the size of a cantaloupe. Not sure where I'm fitting that cantaloupe! I get weekly pregnancy e-mail updates from babycenter and they always tell you what size the baby is by comparing it to a fruit or vegetable.

I saw my mom this weekend and the first thing she said to me was, "You look pregnant!" I still don't think I look that pregnant...but, at least I'm getting there. ;) Because I've been feeling better I have been pushing myself a little too much at times. I think I'm just so excited to have energy I want to go, go, go! On Wed I finally went to the prenatal yoga class I've been wanting to attend and I went shopping all afternoon/early evening. I even stayed up until 11pm! Well, the next day I was paying for it. I was sore from the yoga and so very tired. Turns out even though I feel good...I still need my 8+ hours of sleep.

I forgot to mention last week a little scare I had. I was driving to work one morning and all of a sudden felt like I was going to pass out. I could feel that I was becoming hot, clammy and very lightheaded. My first thought was, "Oh no...not while I'm driving!" I quickly pulled into a McDonald's nearby (thank God I wasn't on I-85 yet) and called Kit. One of the main reasons I was so scared was that was how my 1st miscarriage started. I was feeling fine and shopping at Target when I began feeling dizzy and passed out. I was scared the other day because I was feeling the same sensations and didn't know why. Luckily, it just lasted for a minute and I made it to work fine. I called my Dr.'s office and the nurse couldn't have been less concerned. She just told me to drink more fluids and eat more protein. When I saw the midwife at my appointment last week she wasn't concerned either. She said this often happens when your uterus starts growing. It can press on your blood vessels and restrict the blood flow (or something like that) which makes you lightheaded. Almost everyone I told the story to had a personal story or knew someone it had happened to. That made me feel better.

It's definitely time to start making room for the baby. We have at least started talking about it and trying to think of creative ways to make the space work. Since we only have two rooms our main challenge is making space for Kit to have a work area. I think we've pretty much decided we're going to set up a desk or table downstairs for him to work at. Our first thought was to just have a nursery/office...but, I quickly realized that Kit's work hours and the baby's sleep time may not always work out. So, I think downstairs will be the best. Plus I know, like it or not, we're going to be acquiring so much "stuff"...and we're going to want to have it all in the extra room. Hopefully in the next month or so we'll start making all of this happen.

Overall it's been a great week. Thanks for reading!

Paducah

2008-06-04T08:12:00.014-04:00

A couple of weeks ago we had the opportunity to spend several days in Paducah with the whole Hughes clan. This was a special trip for a couple of reasons. For one, it was the first time Jonny has been home in two years. Plus, it was the first time we had all been together as a family in two and a half years! The last time was at Jon & Corena's wedding in November 2005. Jon is serving our country in the Coast Guard and is stationed in San Diego. Jon has the grueling schedule of 3 months out to sea then 3 months home...all year. So it has been difficult for them to schedule and execute such a big trip (with dog in tow). As you can see this visit was much anticipated and much enjoyed!

Ryan, Kit & Jon

Lesli, Me, Corena & Sydney

We had such a fun & relaxing time together. The days were lazy like good summer days should be. We hung out in the backyard alot. There was this fabulous breeze (that we are desperately missing here in Atlanta) and no rain in sight. The guys had a good time playing croquet and frisbee. They even spent an afternoon making birdhouses. Us girls were content to hang out on the well shaded deck watching them play and loving on Sydney.

busy making birdhouses

Sydney checking out Gunner

Thanks Mom & Pops for hosting such a great week for all of us! These times with family are the most important in life. And we will always cherish the memories.

kisses from Sydney are the best

18 Weeks

2008-06-02T13:33:00.007-04:00

Four down...five to go! That's right, it's five months until baby's due date. At times I find myself thinking, "Five months? It seems so long!" Other times the thoughts are more like, "Five months? Are you kidding me?! How are we ever going to get everything done?!" Ah, good times.

I just got home from my 18 week Dr. appointment and it seems things are still going well. We heard the heartbeat again and did some more blood tests. Kit even had to get stuck with a needle this time. Since we found out that I am a carrier for the cystic fibrosis gene we decided to get Kit tested to see if he is also a carrier. You can see from the ticker above we are counting down to our 20 week ultrasound. The big day is June 18th.

At the end of this week I started feeling these little "bubbles" in my tummy. It took me a few days to really start believing that it's the baby. By Friday I was more aware and paying attention when they would happen. It's the coolest sensation! I've heard it described as goldfish swimming in your tummy...and that's kind of what it's like. It happens really fast though. And usually it will happen once...and then not happen again for a while. I tell Kit the baby is "dancing" when I feel it. And the dancing usually happens when I'm sitting or lying down. I can especially feel it at night before I go to bed and first thing in the morning. I'm assuming this is a preview of movement to come. (Cue to all the mothers in my life telling me to enjoy sleeping while I can!) ;)

And speaking of sleeping...I'm still comfortably sleeping on my back. But, I'm sure this will come to an end soon. I'm not really sure when you're supposed to start sleeping on your side. I guess when lying on your back is uncomfortable? If any of you mommies have suggestions on pillow arrangements for when that lovely time comes...I would be very appreciative. That whole sleeping on your side with mounds of pillows propping you up has always been very intimidating to me. I am totally NOT a side sleeper as it is. So, it should be interesting.

I'm still looking pretty much the same. No poppage yet...still just pudge. I was going to take a belly picture this week, but I think I'm going to wait until there's something more to see. I'm still not ready for maternity shirts...but, my old wardrobe is quickly shrinking. And I forgot to mention last week my new friend that has accompanied my growing body...back pain. I have never really experienced much back pain in my life, so this is new. It started around week 13 after we got home from the Bahamas and I thought maybe it was from carrying around heavy bags and whatnot. Oh no...it's not from carrying around those kind of bags! ;) I quickly realized the pain was located right around my bra strap. So, needless to say my back is just protesting against the new size of my chest.

This week I have definitely "turned a corner" as my midwife said. I have SO much more energy and can finally say I feel good. Yesterday I went all day without a nap and even stayed awake until 10:00...with no plans! This is huge, people! I am so grateful to finally be feeling somewhat normal. I was starting to question whether it was going to happen.

And not only am I feeling physically good, but I'm also just feeling good and happy in general. For the past year and a half I have felt either some form of low-high grade depression, fear, anxiety or just general sadness. And for good reason, I know. But, going from depression to morning sickness with not much of a break was a little unnerving. And I had moments where I had no memory of what it felt like to just feel "good." It's not that I haven't felt complete gratitude or excitement about this baby...I just haven't felt good. And I really was ok with that. But this week happiness and energy and lightness of being have surprised me and are hopefully going to take my hand and walk with me a bit.

I became very acquainted and comfortable with grief and sadness this year. I learned the place they have in all of our lives and slowly accepted that they were my chosen companions for a season. With good counseling, good friends and a supportive husband I truly grieved the loss of my babies and our dear Lisa. At times I was so scared of what I was feeling. Scared that if I gave in I would never return. But I trusted that if I didn't grieve now...the grief would surely find me later. And so I let grief and sorrow and disappointment have me for a while. And it wasn't fun.

I say all that to say that I know I needed to go to those depths. I needed to be in the valley and feel all of the sorrow in order to taste happiness and joy in all of it's fullness. I needed to learn how to praise and trust God when things were so dark in order to become the mother I always wanted to be. I had so much fear and control I needed to let go of in order to enjoy the gifts that are right in front of me. And today, I am so so very grateful to feel happy and good.

My First Baby

2008-05-31T17:53:00.007-04:00

Today is my baby sister Sarah's 21st birthday. I was 11 when Sarah was born and no one was ever more excited to have a baby join their family. I have such vivid memories of the first day Mom & Dad brought her home. I remember rocking her for hours and feeling so much love for this new little baby. I don't think anyone could have convinced me that she wasn't MY baby. ;) Sarah awakened my budding maternal instincts. And I have always felt very natural around newborns because of my experience with her. I never had any problems getting baby-sitting jobs. Heck, I'd been changing diapers since I was 11!

Over the years I spent many days and nights baby-sitting (lucky Mom...built in baby-sitter!), braiding hair and having little legs digging into my back when she insisted on sleeping with me. Our age difference was enough to not have constant fighting and territorial wars. In fact, I was at school in Nashville for most of her formative years. I hated missing so much of her growing up...but, I know she LOVED coming to visit big sister in college.

And now here she is...21 and getting ready for her senior year at GCSU. I am so so proud of you, Sarah. You have become such a beautiful, soulful person. You are a sweet spirit and loyal friend. You are smart, successful and humble. And even though you have become a good friend...you will always be my first baby.

Happy birthday, sweet sister! I hope this year is full of new and exciting experiences. And no worries...you are totally going to be a cool and fun aunt! ;)

Cravings

2008-05-28T15:41:00.005-04:00

Went to Whole Foods today and this is what I came home with. Um, can you say "cravings"?? Granted, I did buy other stuff...but, this was really all I wanted to get. And when I got home I devoured me some watermelon. Yum! It's not that I didn't like fruit before being pregnant...I just never really felt like I HAD to have it like I do now. It's kind of weird. But, I guess it's good that I'm craving something healthy in addition to the oh so good chocolate ice cream I had at Jake's in Decatur this weekend. And yes, the flavor is called "Chocolate Slap Yo Mama." (No offensive to my Mamas.) I have been thinking about it rather obsessively since Saturday. But, until I can get myself back over that way...I'll stick with my fruit. ;)

Fred

2008-05-26T09:46:00.019-04:00

Tonight we're going to see Fred Eaglesmith play at Eddie's Attic. Fred was one of Lisa's favorite artists and Lisa, Lori, Kristen and I (the bad girls) have made many a road trip to watch him play. This was actually how the four of us became so close. We shared a mutual love of music and traveling...and what better way to combine the two than to road trip to see a good show. We especially loved seeing Fred because his shows were always so fun & high energy. Plus, Fred is hilarious and always puts on a good show. And of course there is the fact that he loves us. ;) He affectionately calls us "The Georgia Girls" and always has time to sit down and share a drink with us before his shows.

Our love for Fred went up several notches during Lisa's battle with Leukemia. He and Lisa always had a unique bond and he proved to be strong enough to be a true friend even when things were rough. Who knew our country-rock, good ole Canadian would be talking Lisa through treatments and be so willing to support? Lisa once said to me after a phone call with Fred, "Laurie, I think this is why we met him." Wow.

So, tonight we're going to see Fred play. The first year after you lose someone close to you is full of firsts...first holidays, first birthdays. This will be the first time seeing Fred...and the significance is not lost. It's also the first time we've seen Fred since his dear bandmate Willie P. passed away earlier this year. Lisa, we know the music you and Willie P. are hearing cannot compare to anything we've ever heard. That won't stop us from wishing ya'll were here...and feeling that things just aren't right when you're not.

I know Lisa's spirit will be there. I will picture her rolling her eyes when Fred says something silly...and smiling that perfect smile when he plays "Water in the Fuel." You will be so missed tonight, Lisa. We'll give Fred a big hug for ya.

17 Weeks

2008-05-25T11:16:00.008-04:00

I've decided I should start doing weekly updates so I can keep up with all the changes. Plus, I have been so bad about journaling and I want to be able to remember exactly when things started happening. Also, now I feel like there is more to report than just nausea, nausea, puke, sleep, nausea. ;)

I think the biggest change I've experienced in the last few weeks is weight gain! Somehow even though the baby is only about 5 oz...I've already managed to pack on 10 pounds. And none of this new weight seems to be going to a cute little basketball-sized baby bump. Oh no people, this weight does not discriminate! It has been very happy to settle on my face, my arms and most noticeably my chest. Not sure how fat on my arms is helping the little one...but, I won't question! ;) I don't think I'm eating too much now. But, I'm sure the 6-7 meals a day and non-stop grazing I was doing to keep nausea away in the first trimester contributed. Not to mention the 500 calorie smoothies that I was craving daily for about 2 months. Oops!

Along with the other parts of my body...my belly has been expanding too. And any thoughts of wearing pre-preggo clothes are gone. I don't think that I look pregnant and I'm definitely not ready for full-on cutesy maternity clothes. But, skinny jeans are out! I've been wearing some maternity pants & shorts. And I have to tell you...elastic is my new best friend! Who knew it could feel so good?! ;) Luckily, (as I affectionately call them) "fat shirts" are in style, so I've been able to find a few wearable non-preggo shirts at Target. But they aren't the most flattering for my body type, so I still get winks and smiles when I wear them at work. Basically, they make me look pregnant even though I really don't (if that makes any sense!). People at work have also been commenting on my "glow". I'm not sure I really buy into the "pregnancy glow" thing. I think what is closer to truth is that for 2 months straight you've been so green and nauseous that you can barely muster a smirk. So, now that you are actually feeling good and smiling people mistake it for a glow! ;) Just a thought.

And speaking of work, I've slowly been coming out of the closet over the last few weeks which is fun and weird at the same time. Being at a hospital, I work with alot of people. And there are even more people that I am acquainted with, but don't really get into personal stuff. You never really think about how awkward it is to make that kind of announcement with someone you don't talk to on a regular basis. So, it's been a slow process. And I've told a few of my friends that it's fine if they "let it leak" to whoever.

I should start feeling "flutters" in the next week or two. I'm very excited about that. Last week I had these strange tuggings on the top of my abdomen. I'm not sure what they were, but they felt kind of like muscle spasms. They weren't located where the baby is...so, I'm sure it wasn't movement I was feeling. It was probably my uterus growing or something else shifting to get out of the way of my uterus. Either way, it was weird and just another reminder of all the gloriously funky things my body is doing.

I think I can safely say that I am feeling better. Woo-hoo!! I do still have waves of nausea, but they aren't regular and don't last too long. I've also found a direct correlation between lack of sleep and nausea. So, there's even more incentive to pass out early and get the 11 hours of sleep that my body seems to think it deserves. We've been traveling so much lately I haven't been able to get on a regular exercise schedule. I'm hoping to start that this week. I've found a prenatal yoga class that meets on Wed mornings that I'm going to check out. It should work out perfect since I don't work on Wed.

All in all, I am very happy that things seem to be progressing well. Aside from the brief moments of worry that all mothers have, I think I am emotionally handling things well, too. Thanks for reading and sharing in all the wonderful changes.

Prayers

2008-05-22T13:30:00.003-04:00

Tears are flowing for Steven Curtis Chapman and his family. I heard on the radio this morning that his youngest daughter, Maria age 5, died after being hit by a car in their driveway. One of their older sons was driving the car, and I'm sure he is distraught (as they all are) with grief. The Chapmans have adopted 3 daughters from China and Maria was one of their adopted girls. I have followed their stories of adoption for a while and truly believe they are a family of tremendous love and grace.

I hope you will join me with prayers of healing in this time of heartbreaking tragedy. It's so hard to understand why God made the world this way. Why parents should have to lose their children...whatever the age. Understanding is elusive. I will pray for greater faith and peace in the midst of all the questions.

Planning??

2008-05-14T14:35:00.007-04:00

Last night we had dinner with the beautifully expecting Page and daddy-to-be (ready or not!) Brian. Page & Brian are our only good (local) friends that are expecting right now. And while it's always good to be with them...it's especially fun right now. It's nice to be able to talk about pregnancy and baby stuff and not feel totally narcissistic. And Page is due in June so she is passing on all kinds of great wisdom and tips...plus it's just fun to stare at her gorgeous belly and think about who that little girl is that's just waiting to make her entrance.

Our yummy dinner at Spoon was half pleasure and half business. Avent is one of Philips Design's clients and both Brian and Kit are working on their website. (For those of you who don't know Avent makes bottles, breast pumps, pacifiers, etc.) So, Kit and Brian picked our brains about pregnancy/baby related things to help with their marketing.

One of the questions Brian asked me was if I had started thinking about what brands of baby stuff we will use. And it's funny the reaction I had inside. Rita asked me the same question earlier this week about bottles and I had the same reaction. I didn't answer him with what I was feeling...I just said, "No, we haven't really gone there yet." When the truth is I haven't "gone there" because somewhere in the back of my head I am still having trouble believing that we really will bring this baby home. It's not that I'm 24/7 scared or even living with excessive worry. I'm just finding it hard to do much planning that will obviously need to be done. I forced myself to go to a baby consignment shop the other day to look at cribs. I took one spin around and marched out the door. I don't know why, but I felt like an impostor...like I didn't belong. It's like I was afraid the sales lady was going to call me out or something.

I'm hoping this will get better when I start feeling the baby move and I'm showing more. I'm hoping. I've just seen and read so much this year...and I wish I didn't know all that could/does happen to women just like me. Healthy, strong, conscientious women lose their babies too...and not just in the first trimester. I did alot of reading this year on message boards connecting with other women in similar situations. They don't separate losses on these boards...pregnancy loss is pregnancy loss whether it's at 8 weeks or 38. So I ended up reading about things that I had previously been so sheltered from. And I can honestly think of no more devastating scenario than coming home from the hospital with empty arms to a fully decorated nursery. But what makes me special? Why should I get to bring home a healthy baby when so many women don't?

I try not to dwell on these thoughts too much. First of all, I know it's completely out of my hands what happens with this pregnancy. And I also know the power of positive thinking. I'm just learning how to balance all of the back and forth feelings of excitement and fear...and give myself space to have both in healthy doses. I'm slowly letting go of my disappointment in not being able to have that blissfully ignorant, carefree pregnancy. My experience is what it is...and it is what God has given me. I will continue to pray that this baby will join our family. I will pray for the strength to be the mother I need to be. And I will pray that I can let go of my fear just enough to be able to buy a crib and at least a couple of onesies. ;)

Mother's Day

2008-05-12T19:10:00.010-04:00

Mama Brewer & Andy

Mama Hughes, Kit & me

Narnie & Nana

Happy Mother's Day to my mommies, grandmommy and great-grandmommy! Sorry this is a day late...Kit had the computer in Savannah all day yesterday. I am so blessed to have such wonderful women in my life who take care me, mentor me and just plain love on me.

To my mommy, thank you for years and years of laughs, hugs and comfort. I am so grateful to have a mother who so easily became my friend. I know you've waited many years to be a grandomther...and I hope you love every minute of it!

To my "new" mommy, thank you for raising my husband to be so loving and caring. And thank you for loving me like family. You are a beautiful mother & grandmother.

And to all my friends, sisters, aunts and cousins...mothers, mothers-to-be, and one day mothers...Happy Mother's Day! The work you do raising babies into children into people is truly the most important work in the world. I feel humbled to join your ranks.

Second Trimester

2008-05-07T13:28:00.005-04:00

Woo hoo!! I am officially in the second trimester! Hallelujah! And I have to say (knock on wood) I am actually feeling a little better today. Not 100%, but I did have enough energy this morning to take a 40 minute walk. It does help that I didn't have to be up early for work today...so, we'll see how tomorrow is.

Here are a couple of pictures from our 12 week ultrasound taken two weeks ago. I know it sounds cheesy, but it truly was one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. I had tears streaming down my face pretty much the whole time. I was so glad Kit got to be there too. I really think it helped connect him to the pregnancy and baby. It was so cool seeing the little one move and wave it's arms. Our u/s tech would jiggle my belly to get it to move positions so she could get different views. But, the little one was quite content taking a little nap! It would stretch it's legs out, shake it's arms and go right back to the original spot. I have no idea where those traits come from! ;)

The second picture is a 4-D shot. I don't think these are typically done at this time. We just got lucky with a really sweet tech. This was also our last appointment with the specialist. I am grateful we were able to see a specialist during these first critical weeks. Not that they really did anything different. It just felt comforting knowing we were doing everything we could and that we were being followed more carefully. It was also nice having the extra ultrasounds.

Now that I am released to my regular Ob/Gyn office I will be on a normal 4 week schedule for the next few months. I had my 14 week appointment on Monday which was short and sweet. We listened to the heartbeat which was thumping right along at 140 bpm. I also got to schedule my 20 week ultrasound. And yes, we will be finding out the sex if baby cooperates. Now that things are becoming more "real" I am so excited to find out the sex!

When I look back over the past year, I can so vividly recall the feelings of hopelessness and fear that followed me so closely. There were days when I honestly never thought we would be here. I am so aware of the fact that everything I have can be taken away in a moment. And I know that every mommy who makes it to the second trimester doesn't bring home a baby. But, for now, for this moment I will relish in the miracle my body is participating in. I will praise God for giving me this life...even though I had so little faith that it would happen. And I will continue to hope and believe that come November I will be holding this little one in my arms.

Seven Years

2008-05-05T08:40:00.009-04:00

Happy anniversary love! I woke up this morning with such a fullness of gratitude for being your wife. I mean, how lucky am I that I get to spend everyday with someone who inspires me to be better, loves me just as I am and really listens when I speak. Not to even mention how much you make me laugh!!

I could never have imagined how much pain and sorrow we were going to have to paddle through last year. Thank you for your strength through it all. Thank you for holding your head into the wind...and so often shielding mine. I know I am where I am today because of your faithfulness and grace.

You are my dearest friend and greatest inspiration. And I can't wait to watch you become a daddy. I pray God gives us many many more years to play together.

Home

2008-05-03T08:00:00.009-04:00

"Lisa loved the ocean as she loved life."

We're home from our trip. Kit got home Monday and I got home Wednesday night. Lori, Kristen and I spent a couple of nights in Miami after our stay in the Bahamas. Lori had a free 2 night stay at the Loews and she was gracious enough to let us benefit! Thanks for letting us mooch, Lori! I could really grow accustomed to that lifestyle! ;)

Well, I'm not really ready to write anything profound (or otherwise) about our trip. I'm still feeling pretty emotionally and physically drained from everything. I tried my best to keep up with all of the activities and now my little pregnant self is paying for it. Oh well...totally worth it.

I hope you'll take a few seconds to watch the video above. I must give props to Lisa's dear (and famous ;) ) friend Rob Poynter for shooting it. Thank the Lord for underwater cameras! So, this is Lisa's new home complete with 2 of her signature scarfs. I'll tell you more about the whole process when I'm up to writing about it. For now, imagine 45 people snorkeling around...trying our best to stay afloat for as long as possible. It's really hard to cry while you're treading water.

Lisa's reef has 2 medallions on it. One has her name and dates. If you couldn't read it well in the video, the other says, "Lisa loved the ocean as she loved life."

Celebrating Lisa

2008-04-19T13:35:00.006-04:00

This Friday we're heading to the Bahamas for a weekend of celebrating Lisa's life. The place where we are going is Lisa's "happy place" and full of summer memories for Lisa and her family. Many, many thanks to Doug and Lynn for hosting our trip and letting us be a part of such a uniquely Lisa experience.

For those of you that I haven't shared this with, I'll tell you a little about what this trip is involving. Back in February Lisa's family took her ashes down to the Bahamas and went through the arduous and emotional task of making a memorial reef. I had never heard of anything like this before! Lynn & Doug described the process to us when they came home. Basically you take your loved one's ashes and mix them with concrete to form a memorial structure (man-made reef) to be placed in the ocean. They said it was physically hard work, not to mention the tears. The memorial reef serves two functions: 1) It provides a permanent living legacy for your deceased loved one. 2) The reef helps to support and revitalize the ecosystem in the ocean. That's our Lisa, giving and contributing even in her death.

So, about 45 of Lisa's friends and family are making the trip to witness the placing of her memorial reef. Her new home. And once it is in the ocean we get to snorkel around and check it out. I'm sure it will be a joyous, yet emotional day.

Prayers for safe travels are greatly appreciated. We'll also take any extra prayers for strength. ;) I know this is a trip of celebration in a wildly beautiful part of the world. But, it's still hard to think about the reason we are making this trip without getting that familiar lump in my throat.

We love you, Lisa! And we miss you like crazy. I hope our efforts to honor and celebrate your life make you smile. You always did have the best smile.

As only Lisa could say...Rock Out!!

grateful for another chance

36 Weeks

Halfway

Mother's Day

January 2010

*sigh*

Happy Halloween!

Goodnight sweetheart...

Letter From the Editor

The Official Shoe of the Hughes Household

Zoë's First Easter

5 Months

Perfect

What To Say*

Still believing...

Outtakes

4 Months

Birthday week

My Baby Daddy

The Bumbo

Our Little Valentine

3 Months

12 Weeks

More Cuteness...

Baby It's Cold Outside

What I've Been Doing...

2 Months

Heaven

Zoë's First Christmas

6 Weeks

Zoë Love

HALLELUJAH!

1 Month

Daddy Love

Lots of firsts

Worth the Wait

3 Weeks

Zoë's Video Birth Announcement

2 Weeks

Penny meets Zoë

1 Week

A Year Ago Today...

An Angel Among Us

And then there were three...

40 Weeks

Remembering Our Second Angel

38-39 Weeks

Saying Goodbye

Happy Birthday Sydney!

Quotable Quote*

36-37 Weeks

Radiant Light

*The Final Countdown*

Pregnant in the Park

35 Weeks

34 Weeks

Shower Pictures

33 Weeks

32 Weeks

Happy Birthday Nana!

31 Weeks

30 Weeks

28-29 Weeks

Remembering Our First Angel

08.08.08*

Sweet Memory

27 Weeks

26 Weeks

mosaic of me

Happy Birthday, Love!

24-25 Weeks

Charleston

22-23 Weeks

21 Weeks

Isn't She Lovely

20 Weeks

She's Here!

19 Weeks

Paducah

18 Weeks

sigh

The Final Countdown

Second Trimester