36 Weeks

Dear Baby Girl~

Oh sweet love, we are all in such anticipation to finally meet you and add you to our family! We can't wait to see what you look like and how your little personality is surely going to charm us to pieces. In one way it's hard to believe we're getting so close to your due date. But in another way, it seems we've been waiting for you so long. I already feel so blessed to be your Mama. And having the chance to carry you all nestled in my tummy has been a true joy. I have had a quiet awareness during this pregnancy that it will most likely be my last. And despite all the aches & pains I've complained about for several months (mostly tummy aches and heartburn pains), I will remember this time with you with such sweetness. I have always dreamed of having two children close together in age. So baby girl, you are nothing short of a dream come true.

Artwork by Erin Darcy

I so love the way this picture depicts where I am at right now. I saw it on a blog I read a little over a year ago...before you were even a twinkle in my eye. I can remember the way my heart beat with longing to be so richly blessed. One baby hugging Mama tightly, a little piece of this grand gift of motherhood. While another babe grows inside, a mystery and reminder of the way life and love can swell and grow. Your sister has never been much of a cuddler....but, lately she has become very attached to Mama and quite cuddly. I find myself carrying her more and having more snuggly rocking chair breaks during the day than we have in a while. And I have cherished every minute of it (thankfully without hurting my back!).

When I see this picture and remember how it sparked something inside of me, I am humbled into deep gratitude. It wasn't very long ago at all that I knew the true pain of aching arms. I never knew I could hurt so much losing something I never fully had. All the days and nights of wondering if I would ever carry a baby in my belly or my arms. And now to be doing both! It leaves me with no other words than "thank you." Thank you, God, for these gifts of life. And thank you, sweet girls, for choosing us to be with.

Another thing we're all anxious to see is how Zoë is going to react when "sisser" is finally here. I keep telling people that I don't really think she has any idea of what's going on. But, she continues to surprise me by talking about you all the time. She is already able to point out your cradle and carseat. And she knows when I pack away her clothes from the following season they are going to be "sisser's." When I ask her when sister is coming she'll say "no now, soon." But by far the sweetest thing she's done was when I had a doctors appointment the other day. Daddy told her before I left that I was going to "check on sister." So when I got home she ran in the kitchen to meet me, looked me up and down and said, "'ere's sisser?" Where's sister, indeed?! You can see, little one, we are ALL ready for you to be here.

Love,

Mama

Halfway

Dear Little Bit~

Tonight I am full of anticipation and excitement. Probably the most anticipation I've felt in a long time. For tomorrow, Little Bit, we get a small glimpse at how our family will be changed in just 4 1/2 more months. We've had two sneak peeks at you as a little bean. And oh, how you already have melted our hearts. While there is a certain sweetness in the mystery of not knowing what you are yet....we are all ready to start dreaming of who and what you will bring to our family.

8 weeks

In many ways, this pregnancy has been a lot like Zoë's. I've been very nauseous, tired and I'm already gaining weight all over. I started feeling little flutters at about 16 weeks. And in the past week or so I began feeling full on kicks. Daddy even felt you kick for the first time last night! And let me tell you, it never gets old.

In some ways I am more relaxed and laid back than I was with Zoë. I know what is to come and I know I can handle it. And I know most of my worry was needless. But, in some ways I am even more terrified than before...because I know what is to come and I have no idea if I can handle it while lovingly parenting your sweet toddler sister. I do find much comfort in the fact that so many mothers do this everyday....with much greater challenges that I have. So I think we'll be just fine.

12 weeks

Little bit, you are this Mama's dream come true. Oh, how blessed I feel to be able to carry you so close and nurture you as you grow. And whether you are a little prince or princess you will complete our family.

Love,

Mama

Mother's Day

I love this quote that I stole from this website:

Whether or not a baby has ever miraculously come out of your body, you are a mother. You have helped mother me, or your sister, or your girlfriend, or your cousin, or your neighbor, or a stranger. You have wiped a tear or a bottom. You have given counsel. You have talked someone you love off a ledge. You have nurtured and natured and gently nudged her to keep going when she was sure she couldn't. You have read a storybook, shoveled a walk, waved across the parking lot, not even realizing you were saving someone's life.

And there was a day in the not so distant past that it would have meant the whole world to read these words. So, to all of you who mother me and those around you without receiving a card today...Happy Mother's Day!

I also love this photo taken by Karen. I think it captures well the peace and joy I get from mothering Zoë. Sweet one, it is my greatest honor to be your mother. Today I celebrate this gift and responsibility. And to all of my mamas, grand-mamas and friend-mamas...I send you all the love & gratitude my heart can hold!

January 2010

Dear Zoë~

Well sweet girl, you are barreling into toddler-hood at full speed!  Every day we are seeing less of the baby you were and more of the little girl you are becoming.  And what fun it is!  You have the sweetest personality and love to be right in the middle of things.  Especially if it involves other children.  On more than one occasion you have let out a loud squeal of delight when we've seen children out and about.  Which, speaking of, is one reason why I've been looking into Mother's Day Out programs for you next fall.  I think we're going to have one very social girl on our hands!

You still aren't really talking yet...although you do "talk" all day long.  You jibber-jabber to yourself as you're playing and have a few little sounds you like to repeat (especially dirka and ish-ish).  A few months ago you started saying "ca-ca" for kitty cat.  This cracks me up because we don't even have a cat!  But you love your Cat book so much it's really no surprise.  And speaking of books, I don't think there is anything in this world you love more.  I'm glad that you're finally doing more "reading" and less chewing on your precious books.  (Sorry sweety, you did destroy more than one of your books.  Yeah, they pretty much looked like the dog got to them.)  But now you love to get all your books out, put them on our laps, read them very fast and then get another one and repeat.  You also really love books with flaps and different textures to feel (new parent tip: best baby gift *ever*).

Well, I can't lie...one of my favorite parts of your new toddler ways is your sleep habits.  Child, you are *finally* sleeping like a true champ!  Shortly after Christmas you dropped your morning nap.  Thank goodness this wasn't too difficult of an adjustment.  So now you're taking one nice long 2-3 hour nap in the early afternoon.  I really missed the morning nap at first...but now I've come to appreciate a longer chunk of time to get stuff done.  And your nighttime sleep has drastically improved.  For the last several months you've been going to bed very well and sleeping good through the night.  BUT you just couldn't seem to shake your habit of waking up at 5-5:30.  And that was no fun.  Well, it seems we figured out the culprit a few weeks ago...me.  I somehow had this idea that you still "needed" a last feeding before you went to bed (What if you didn't get enough to eat during the day?  What if you started waking up hungry?).  Well Mama learned her lesson.  I went out one night and left you & Daddy at home to do bedtime together.  And lo and behold you slept until 7:30 the next morning!  So, I got real honest with myself and admitted that this bedtime feeding was more about me wanting snuggles & quiet time with my overactive toddler than it was about you needing the milk.  I knew it would be happening soon...and I let go without tears.  Mostly because I knew there was some serious sleep around the corner! ;)  And ever since then you've been sleeping until 7-7:30 in the morning pretty consistently.  So nice!

Other things you love: 

Dragging things across the room (boxes, baskets, chairs)

Magazines

Seeing pictures of babies

Sitting on little chairs, boxes, gallons of water & basically anything at your level

Other things we love:

When you lean in to give kisses

When you lean your head over to give hugs

Snuggles before your nap/bedtime

When you sing & dance

When you lay your head on a pillow when we ask you to "go night-night"

You still love to be on daddy's back (or mommy's) especially in the late afternoon.  You would much rather have cuddles and be held than do your usual romping all over the place right when Mommy & Daddy are getting dinner ready.  But you know, we'll take the cuddles any way we can!  You've never really been a cuddly baby...and now that you're on the move it's rare that we can get you to stay still.  So we'll let you be our little monkey as long as you like...  

Love, 

Mama

*sigh*

Ok, people, I know my deadbeatness is completely unacceptable....But, this time I mean it!  I really am going to try and get back on the bloggy train.  Now that Zoë is taking a nice 2-3 hour afternoon nap I'm going to try and use some of that time to get back in the swing of things.

New pics and stories to come!!  I promise... ;)

Happy Halloween!

We had fun this weekend dressing up our little "bug" and playing Halloween.  She's not quite old enough to trick or treat but we had a good time walking around our friends' neighborhood and checking out all the other trick or treaters.  Zoë loves being around other kids so she had a blast.  And thankfully she was appropriately dressed in UGA colors so she could "represent" while our friends watched the game.

I've been thinking alot about what we were doing this time last year.  Fall always does that.  There's something about the slight chill & distinct smell (not that it at all smells the same here that it does in GA or TN) that lures you into remembrance.  This time last year we were having our "any day now" moment.  I was at my due date and like all pregnant women (with their first child, at least) I couldn't believe I didn't go into labor at 38 weeks.  But, I felt good and was actually savoring those final days of pregnancy.  I wasn't really feeling the "get this baby out of me" that so many women feel.  I knew I had no concept of how our lives would change...and I was enjoying what would be the last of lazy mornings, long dinners and having little "B" snug in my belly.

I know I'm going to say this a million times in the next 50 years....but, I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by.  And how many changes!  My daughter has already taught me so much about the impermanence of life.  If I'm not careful I can attempt to reach back and hold on to this time...or that time...and forget to live in and enjoy the moment we are in right now.  It's easy for me to miss being pregnant or miss having a snuggly little infant.  But no, there is too much "life" yet to be enjoyed.  And every day Zoë teaches me more about not grasping too tight to what "was" and embracing what "is".  And what "is" is a budding toddler with a world of personality and a million ways to make me smile.

Life is good...

Goodnight sweetheart...

Dear Zoë,

Now that you're sleeping like a real person...is it blasphemous to say that I miss you?  I check on you every hour or so until I go to bed.  And I can't believe how long you look sprawled out in your crib.  I made your daddy lower your mattress down a few weeks ago after a traumatic dream I had that you hurled yourself out of it.  But, no worries, you are safe from that now.  So finally after *several* nights of fussing and crying you have given in to the almighty power of sleep.  And no joke, you are sleeping a good 12 hours now.  Sometimes you wake for a 4am snack...but, for the most part you are just sleeping away the whole night.  So now here we are...all my wishes for sleep come true.  And I sit here...alone...missing you.

Love you,

Mama