5 Months

Dear Zoë,

This weekend you turned 5 months old.  We've had a very busy month visiting new places, friends and family.  I'm glad I am becoming more comfortable traveling and toting you around so that we can enjoy new things.  And now that it's finally warming up I am ready to get out of hibernation mode.  You really are such a sweet blessing...I'm having a blast sharing you with the ones we love.  

Unfortunately our nights are not as much fun as our days.  While you are such a happy, content and peaceful baby during the day...for some reason you have not yet gotten the hang of what nights are for.  You have been waking up crying every hour and a half to two hours every night for the past three weeks.  This sleep pattern coupled with all our running around has left me feeling a little like a walking zombie.

So since Mama is tired and lacking the words to talk about this month...I'm going to let the pictures speak for themselves.  Next month we'll be rested and back on track, right girl?

You & great-Narnie at the Northlake Ladies Retreat

Your first trip to the park/ride in a swing with the Hawkins kids

Hanging out with Trent

Still lovin' those feet

One of your favorite things to try and fit in your mouth (besides your feet)

The best (ok, only) way to do housework

Wearing your beautiful sweater made by Sarah P.

Spontaneous nap while Mama was getting ready

Working on "paci-training"

And the smile that convinces me that sleep is optional...

Love,
Mama

4 Months

Dear Zoë,

Today you are 4 months old!  We had another pediatrician appointment today and unfortunately you had to get another shot.  Oh how mommy hates that cry of pain!  Other than the shot the appointment went very well.  You are measuring 14lbs 3oz and 25in long.  Such a big and healthy girl!  The Dr. also said we can start feeding you cereal in the next few months.  She said to look for signs that you are ready and I think you are!  Just in the past few days you've started this chewing thing with your mouth.  You look kind of like a cow chewing cud.  It's so cute!  You are also sitting up very well in your Bumbo seat (which you love!).  But, I think I'm still going to wait another few weeks...because once we start feeding you solids there's no going back.

Now let's see, what have you been up to this month?  You've finally started to laugh...although you do not pass them out generously.  Oh no, you make us work hard for those sweet little giggles.  But don't get us wrong, we're willing to work!  You have also really found your hands and you love to hold on to them as well as shove them in your mouth.  I had to get a picture of you doing this because you look kind of like a worried little lady rubbing your hands together.  So cute!  You're also still drooling like a leaky faucet.  You rolled from your tummy to your back twice this month.  But I don't think you really knew what you were doing.  Both times you were screaming & crying and the rolls were more in a fit of rage than anything.  Your favorite form of talking these days is saying "hey".  Sometimes it's just a short little "Hey!" and sometimes it's a long drawn out "Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!"  that sounds something like a musical sigh.  And Zoë, you really are such a happy baby.  So content and smiley.

Well dear, your hair is falling out at an appalling rate these days.  Your Aunt Sonya calls it "baby-pattern baldness".  And what little you have remaining tends to lay flat on your head.  Gone are the days of my precious little spiky haired thing.  The picture below is right after your bath.  If I comb it all up it does this curly thing that looks just like your daddy's hair.  Too bad the curls don't last...it all ends up standing straight as a board when it dries.  Nevertheless, your daddy is still proud when it looks crazy like his and he gets sad when I point out little strands left behind in your swing or carseat.  

You still love to suck on that fist.  We thought you would have settled on one of your fingers by now.  But, oh no, it's the whole fist or nothing!  You've started to sometimes take the paci.  But not very often and by no means all the time.  I can usually only get you to take it if you're really sleepy or fussy.  Otherwise you'll just gnaw on it for a minute then spit it out.

And of course we need to talk about your sleeping.  Ah sleep...you sure do love it.  In fact, if I let you I think you would sleep the entire day.  But, I do not let you.  Per the pediatrician's advice I wake you up from naps in order to keep you on a good feeding schedule.  Plus, she seemed to think that maybe you weren't getting enough to eat during the day and that is why you were still waking up at night (I actually called her when you were going through your eating every 2 hours during the night phase).  Oh, did I not mention you're still not sleeping through the night?  Not in any sense of the phrase.  You still wake up pretty much every 4 hours to eat.  Even despite our best efforts to the contrary.  Another piece of advice the pediatrician gave us was to keep you awake during the late afternoon/early evening so that you would sleep longer at night.  And boy that has made for some fun times at our house...let me tell you.  Because did I mention how much you love to sleep (or should I say nap)?  So, during this time Daddy & I carry you around, bounce you, sing, give you a bath, and generally whatever we can think of to combat those falling eyelids of yours.  This tends to just make you fussy and look at us like, "Dude, just let me sleep already!"  And honestly it's not really working.  Like I said, despite all our efforts you still want to wake & eat about every 4 hours.

And speaking of our best efforts, we discovered Baby Einstein this month.  I had no idea how you would love it!  I found it on YouTube one night in a desperate attempt to keep you awake.  Being new to the world of Baby Einstein I did not realize how creepy it is.  But you were instantly mesmerized.  You went from fussy-whiny to zoned out as soon as the music started.  Whoever is making those videos totally knows what they're doing.  So we've added this to our repertoire of trying to keep you awake.

I've also decided that it's time to retire the swaddle.  I tried last month and it was not good.  You woke up so many times I decided it just wasn't worth it.  So we just keep you all wrapped up because it works.  People have told me that you would eventually bust out when you were done with it.  And it cracks me up that you don't.  You totally love your swaddle!  Even though your grandparents call it the "straight-jacket".  You actually get very grinny when I start wrapping you up in it.  But, I think it's time to start weaning you off of it.  Besides, you're about to outgrow all of the ones we have!

 

Watching you grow and change is at the same time amazing and heartbreaking.  I simultaneously love the baby you are now and miss the little thing you were a few months ago.  And I know this pattern will continue.  I so look forward to seeing who you are going to be when you start toddling and talking.  But, I can already feel the pangs of missing our lazy days with you content to cuddle in my lap or be snuggled close in your carrier.

But, sweet Zoë, this is exactly what we signed up for.  All of it.  The overwhelming moments of love, the mundane everyday tasks, the frustrating late night crying, and the ache of knowing you don't really belong to me and one day you will fly from my nest.  These are my spiritual lessons.  And God is continually using you to teach me.

Several of my friends who have also experienced the heartbreak of miscarriage had something they would tell me for comfort that I didn't fully get at the time.  They said that no matter how devastating losing their baby was...they couldn't imagine life without the child they were blessed with.  I now so fully understand what they meant.  You are such an angel to me.  I sometimes thank the little ones we had to lose for knowing you were exactly what we needed.

Love,

Mama

3 Months

Dear Zoë,

Congratulations little one!  We are officially through the fourth trimester.  And you have now been "living" for a full year!  You are becoming such a little person...no longer accepting a life of merely eating, sleeping and pooping.  Oh no, you want to be a part of everything that is going on.  And you've even taken to squealing when you're not!  We didn't have a pediatrician appointment this month so I'm not sure exactly how much you're weighing.  But there is no doubt you are growing!  You have almost outgrown all of your 0-3 month clothes.  And you're getting ready to move on to size 2 diapers.

You've really started learning how to "work" us this month, little girl.  You have this new cry that you're using...which is really more of a yell or pitiful scream.  I call it your "damsel in distress" cry because let's be honest you're just using it to get our attention.  It's really kind of funny.  I'll walk away from you and you'll let out this "look at me!" scream...and when I come back you'll flash me this huge grin.  Wrapped.  That's all I have to say...wrapped.  

Just as everyone has predicted your hair has started falling out.  I'm finding it in little feathery wisps in your bed and on your changing table.  You can also see little bare spots on the back of your head.  But, no worries girl, you still have plenty of hair to sport a pretty rockin' do.  I'm telling ya, people pay good money for your look!  And Daddy sure is holding out hope that you will keep the "do" that proves you really are his child.  I'm also wondering what your eyes are going to do.  I haven't let myself get to attached to them because I figured they would probably change.  But they really are a beautiful shade of steely blue.  I don't know that I've ever spent so much time staring into one person's eyes.

You are still loving to suck on your fist and completely reject a pacifier.  This morning you actually started to find your thumb.  It was really kind of pitiful...your thumb is so tiny it seems to be a pretty unsatisfying thing to suck!  You seemed to realize that and went back to working on shoving your whole fist in your little mouth.  Sometimes you suck on 2 or 3 of your fingers when you take your naps.  Whatever works, right?!  Oh, and I almost forgot, you still love to blow spit bubbles and you totally drool like a machine.

Ok girl, we need to have another talk about our sleep issues.  Our transition to the "big girl" crib is going ok.  Mommy has only woken up in a "where's the baby!" panic a few times.  I'm pretty proud of myself.  You, on the other hand, are not accepting this whole "sleep through the night" concept.  You'll do a pretty good 5-6 hour stretch at the beginning of the night.  Then, I'm not sure exactly what happens, but you have gotten into the habit of waking up every two hours after that.  And I mean you wake up!  Eyes open wide, looking around like you're ready to start the day.  I'm kind of at a loss for how to break you of this habit.  I'm hoping maybe you'll just grow out of it??  But seriously girl, we do not start our day at 4am!  

Things that I love:

Your big gummy smiles

Your sweet breathy whispers

Your edible chubby cheeks

Your big baby yawns

Your rock star mohawk hairdo
Your mesmerizing blue eyes

You met our preacher, Kris, for the first time on Sunday and he went on and on about how beautiful you are.  I told him that we thought so, but what do we know.  He said, "Just 'cause you're biased doesn't mean you're wrong."  I like that.

Love,

Mama

12 Weeks

Zoë, I just love these new pictures of you.  They really show what a happy, good-natured baby you are.  You are becoming more animated everyday and it's so much fun to be with you.  You love to flash this big, gummy grin...but, you aren't laughing much yet.  It's cute to watch to make laughy faces but no sound comes out!

Every night since we've been home from the hospital you have slept by our bed in this cradle.  Having you so close during the night has been a mixed blessing.  It was so easy to tend to your late night needs having you so close.  You rarely had to even cry when you needed something because I could hear your every grunt.  But, I could hear your every grunt...and I think we both have lost more sleep than necessary because of that.  Either way, it's definitely time for you to move into your room and into your "big girl" crib.  We'll start the transition this week and hopefully it will be relatively painless.

I guess you can tell from the fact that I have taken these pictures and even paused to write about this that it has not been an easy thing for me to do.  Some people have even chastised me for keeping you in our room this long.  I jokingly respond by telling them I know you'll be fine...it's ME I'm not so sure about.  You have been such a part of me for almost a year now.  And I'm realizing that moving you out of my "sight" during the night is causing me to once again take a step of faith and trust that God will care for you...even while I sleep.  Silly Mommy...of course He will care for you.  There is the other lesson I have to continually learn: I am SO not in control of as much as I think I am.  Baby steps.

  

This cradle was originally your Uncle Jon's when he was a baby.  I know, it's hard for you to imagine he was ever a little baby...but he was! ;)  Your cousins Sydney & Madison also used it when they were little.  So, you are not the first baby to use it and you won't be the last.  I am so grateful to have been able to use this beautiful piece of furniture.  It was not only so useful but also a little bit of your history.  We have to thank your Pops & Deeda for letting this cradle bring us such good baby memories. 

Love,

Mama

2 Months

Dear Zoë,

As of yesterday you are 2 months old.  And to say that time is flying by is a serious understatement!  You did very well at your 2 month pediatrician appointment today.  You now weigh 11lbs 11oz (I guess that's your number!) and you are 22 1/2 in long.  You had to get your first vaccination shot and you were not happy. :(  To hear you scream in pain broke my heart into little pieces!  I don't look forward to having to do that again every couple of months.  But I am so pleased with the way you are growing and staying so healthy!

This month has brought us many, many lovely smiles from you.  You are also just starting to coo.  Mornings are the best time to catch you in a good mood and that's when you do the most smiling & talking.  Your specialty right now is big full body smiles where it's like you have to have your arms and legs involved in order to make it good.  So cute!  A few things that you love: your tongue, blowing bubbles, your fist.  You won't have anything to do with a paci...but, you are desperately trying to find your thumb!  You love to shove that little fist of yours in your mouth and suck away.  Yep, I think we're going to have a thumb sucker one of these days.

I pulled out your play gym this week.  I wasn't sure when exactly you would be interested in it...but, it was definitely the right time!  As soon as I put you under it you started kicking your legs and shaking your arms in excitement.  It was so cute!  Now it's one of your favorite places to be during your playtime.  You're still enjoying your swing, too.  And as you can see from the pictures you are rockin' tummy time!  You are starting to enjoy getting your diaper changed and you *love* bath time.  And, thank the Lord, you finally like riding in the car!  

A couple of weeks ago you got your first bottle.  This was a bittersweet moment for Mommy.  While I cherish the thought of being able to go out and stay gone for more than 2 hours...I was a little sad that you took to the bottle so easily.  Not that I'm complaining!  It just made me feel like maybe you don't need me as much as I like to think you do.  Oh, who am I kidding...of course you need me!! ;)  But, I'm also glad that Daddy is a champion bottle-giver.

Last week you also started taking naps in your big-girl crib.  I took this picture after a particularly good day of naps.  On this day you actually put yourself to sleep lying in your crib.  This was a first!  Usually, you insist on being rocked to sleep.  Unfortunately this little trend hasn't stuck and we're back to rocking.  But it was a good day and hopefully a sign of what's to come.

And speaking of sleeping...girl, we really need to have a discussion about your sleep habits.  You've had several nights of going 6 hours between feedings starting in mid-December.  But, you rarely do more than two nights of this in a row.  And lately it's like you've regressed and you're back to waking every 3 hours to eat.  No ma'am!  Now, I know you can do it...and the pediatrician assures me that your tummy is big enough to go 6 hours at night.  So, can we try to make this a habit?  Please...you love your mommy, right?

Here are some of the names that we've taken to calling you.  I assure you they are all said in love...

Zoë B

Milk-face

Zo baby

Baby girl

Zed-face (This one's all the way from London!  You'll have to ask your Aunt Sarah about it.)

Fat baby

Oh little Zoë, you sure are making life sweet.  You keep growing and we'll keep lovin' on you.

Love,

Mama

6 Weeks

Well, 6 weeks has been pretty good to us.  We're all becoming better adjusted to each other and sleep is happening in greater amounts of time and with less interruptions.  Thank you, Lord!   Zoë is smiling up a storm and trying her best to talk.  We've been venturing out more and I'm slowly becoming more comfortable driving with her.  She is starting to scream less in the car and usually ends up falling asleep by the end of our journey.

Our Little PresentGood Things Come In Small Packages

On Friday we took Zoë to see Santa.  I was very nervous about it, but knew I would regret it if we didn't go.  It's such a chore getting out of the house and I wasn't sure how she would handle being in such a crowd.  Well, I was nervous for nothin'!  She did great.  She was so wide-eyed and just wanted to take it all in.  Our little missy wasn't going to sleep for anything!  It was so funny, there was a 9 week-old boy in line ahead of us who slept through the entire thing...waiting in line, sitting on Santa's lap, getting the pictures afterwards.  But, no...not Zoë!  She breezed right through nap-time and wasn't about to miss a thing.  I wonder what this says about future outings??

 

Zoë & Santa

Our gift after a big afternoon out at the mall was 6 hours between Zoë's feedings that night.  A Christmas miracle! ;)  Once again, I know it probably won't last...but, hopefully it was a taste of what's to come.  And mommy felt so good after several hours of sleep.

1 Month

Dear Zoë,

My sweet precious angel, today you are one month old.  It's so hard for me to believe you have already been with us for a month.  Everyone says how fast these weeks go by...and they are right.  And you, little missy, are changing so much!  We took you for your one month pediatrician appointment today and you did so well.  You totally charmed the Doctor and pleasantly enough kept your screaming to a bare minimum.  You now weigh 9lbs 12oz and you are 22in long.  I couldn't hide my excitement that you have gained two pounds and your daddy said, "Well, I think you are proud of yourself!"  And I am!  Nursing is challenging and very time consuming.  Most days I feel like that is all I have accomplished.  But seeing you on that scale today made me realize that it's working!  And, yes, I am very proud.

My greatest joy the past week has been seeing your smiles.  I quickly realized that what we are seeing aren't "gas smiles" at all!  You are smiling in response to hearing our voices and seeing our faces.  Talk about making a Mama and Daddy melt!  And of course there are the drifting off to sleep smiles which are equally as precious...as well as the full on in-your-sleep belly laugh.  Too cute!  The only difficulty is actually capturing these smiles with the camera.  You'll have to forgive all the obnoxious noises and faces we make trying to get a good shot.  We just want to share all the cuteness with everyone else.  

You are also becoming much more alert and attentive during the day.  You like to see faces and interact as opposed to sitting by yourself.  It took a few weeks, but you are now enjoying the swing more and will stay in it for more than two minutes (which is about all you would tolerate at first).  You are also starting to notice the rotating mobile that's above your head in the swing.  You still don't like riding in your carseat.  Your daddy and I have to really turn the music up to get you to stop screaming.  Thank goodness you like good music!

As you can see you still have all of your fabulous hair.  Everyone says it will eventually fall out...but you haven't lost any of it yet.  And at this point I can't imagine you without it! 

The past few weeks have been difficult and challenging in ways I never could have imagined.  I don't think there is any way to fully prepare for all the physical and emotional demands a newborn requires.  And there is definitely no way to understand how the complete lack of sleep will wear you down.  Everyone tells me, "Don't worry, it gets better."  And I am believing them.  I know you are just adjusting to your new life and what you want more than anything is to be held close.  But, being a new mom is hard...and there are so many books that try to tell you exactly how to do things.  These books can make you feel like if you don't do things "their way" you're doing everything wrong.  As if we don't already feel inadequate enough!

So, after a couple of weeks of trying to buy into a parenting style I don't believe in I am letting go.  I have decided to throw out all the books that tell me to not to spoil you by holding you too much...and not to let you fall asleep in my arms or you'll never sleep on your own...and to get you on a schedule or you'll never sleep through the night.  I am following my mother's advice and trusting my instincts.  And my instincts tell me that this is your "fourth trimester" and what you want and need more than anything is to be held and comforted and loved.  My job for now is to feed you when you want to eat and show you by my comforting arms that this world is ok.  Since I realized all of this and let go of following someone else's ideas things have felt more natural around here.  We'll work on schedules and what not next month.

Zoë, for all the challenging and difficult moments...there are just as many moments of sheer awe.  Sometimes I just sit and look at you and say silent prayers of thankfulness that you are finally here.  And oh that smile makes it all worth it.  I can't say it enough, little one...Thank you for choosing us.

Love,

Mama

3 Weeks

Zoë's first Thanksgiving

Well, I know I have been so bad about posting updates and new pictures.  The days and nights are blurring together in a haze of feeding, changing diapers and rocking.  The few stolen moments I get during the day I find myself choosing between eating, sleeping and doing random stuff around the house.  So, my emailing and blogging have taken the back-burner for now.  Zoë & I were so blessed to have Kit home for almost 3 weeks.  He's back at work full-time now so little miss & I are figuring out our days alone.

Thankfully Zoë is eating like a champ and growing everyday.  She is sleeping pretty well...even if it is only in hour and a half increments.  When she is awake she is so precious and alert.  She'll even treat me with a smile or two every once in a while.  Granted they're probably just gas smiles...but, I'll take 'em! ;)

I can't believe she'll be a month old next week!  I'm trying to savor these moments even through the extreme sleepiness and moments of inconsolable crying.  I know she will never be this little again...and it's already going by so fast.   

2 Weeks

I took some pictures of miss Zoë today to show how much she is growing!  It's amazing how slow the last two weeks of my pregnancy went...and how fast these first two weeks of Zoë's life have flown by.  I'll post more pictures later of all the fun we've been having this week. 

sweet baby

getting bigger

striking a pose

Zoë's first tummy time

Penny wants to play too

swaddle-schmaddle

1 Week

One week ago our world completely changed.  Here are a few pictures from the first precious moments of Zoë's life.

Welcome Zoë!

So happy & proud

Yep, I'm your mommy

Falling in love

Baby's first bath

All sudsed up

Washing all that dark hair

Meeting Gigi & Deeda