Here is my 5 month belly! I'm finally starting to feel like I'm looking pregnant and not just chubbers. Yay! I feel a little weird posting a picture of just me...but, I want to remember how I look as baby girl is growing, growing. I have to admit that I'm not thrilled with the way my body has chosen to carry all of this new weight. I look at other cute, little pregnant women and feel a little jealous that all their weight sits beautifully right on their basketball belly. Meanwhile I am just packing it on all over...arms, face, chest. And my belly is growing awfully slow. Ah well, just another lesson in lack of control!
For the past two weeks my back pain has increased to a really bad level. After spending the latter half of my day off last Monday lying on the couch...I decided that was enough. I have been having pretty consistent mid-back pain since the beginning of May. I'm not sure what I thought was going to happen...It would just go away? Well, after Monday I was desperate. I knew I couldn't spend 4 more months on the couch. So, I found a chiropractor and started treatments. Dr. Caroline specializes in pregnancy chiropractics and I'm hopeful that she can help me heal.
As with most significant and formative events in life, I have not experienced pregnancy the way I thought I would. I have been very healthy and relatively active my whole life. I rarely get sick or injured and have been blessed to be able to run, walk and practice yoga with little difficulty. I guess I always figured I would have an easy, active pregnancy with little physical difficulties. Oh no, pregnancy has been a whole different world for me. First it was the nausea, which was completely debilitating. Then came the back pain, which has given me a new appreciation for people who have to navigate this type of pain day in and day out. It's really difficult to find energy and motivation when you're in this kind of pain. So, I am praying my sessions with Dr. Caroline will bring some healing and relief.
But in the midst of the pain, I can't help but feel so much joy and gratitude. Especially when I feel baby girl kick! This week I felt her kick from the outside for the first time. It was so cool! I called Kit over and quickly put his hand on my belly to give him a feel...but, of course she got shy. She's been pretty quiet since that night which has had me a little worried. But, I'm thinking maybe she's having a growth spurt or something and she's storing up her energy. I can't wait for Kit to be able to feel her kick. I don't think he really believes that I can feel her moving around. ;)
I finally broke down and bought a body pillow last week. My hope is that it will help me with my attempts to sleep on my side. So far...not so good. First of all, there's something about sleeping on my side that really aggravates my back pain and it just plain hurts. And it feels FINE when I'm lying on my back (go figure). So even when I can manage to fall asleep on my side (which is rare)...inevitably, when I wake up I'm on my back. Kit's so funny. One morning after I got the pillow he said, "So, if I come to bed and see that you're on your back should I wake you up and make you move? I don't want you to die." Always the protector!
Overall the past two weeks I've been pretty overwhelmed and wrapped up with everything that needs to be done in the next few months. This is the main reason I've been such a bad blogger. Lately when I've been at the computer I've been too busy researching this new world of baby "stuff" that we are slowly entering. And for those of you who know me well, you can imagine that this has been more than a little overwhelming for the anti-shopper, non-decision-maker in me. My friend Cindy gave me some very reassuring advice. She refers to the myriad of stuff looming at Babies R Us as "little luxuries". And she is quick to assure me that while there are very helpful items available that our mothers and grandmothers never had...what baby girl needs more than anything is her mommy and daddy. The marketers at these stores are very clever. They know just how to make a young, inexperienced mother feel like she "needs" their product in order to give her baby the best. So, my new mantra in the face of all these messages is, "This baby is going to be just fine no matter what 'things' we have or don't have when she arrives."
Unlike the never-ending days of the first trimester, time is starting to go by so quickly. And even with the challenges my body is giving me I already feel like it's going by too fast. Don't get me wrong, I am so looking forward to meeting this girl and having her here in my arms. But, there is something so precious about what is going on in my body and it feels like it's going to be over in just another minute. Thank you, God, for each new day I get to carry our growing girl. Please help me to cherish every moment and hold on to this glorious dance of the miraculous.
