Happy Halloween!

We had fun this weekend dressing up our little "bug" and playing Halloween.  She's not quite old enough to trick or treat but we had a good time walking around our friends' neighborhood and checking out all the other trick or treaters.  Zoë loves being around other kids so she had a blast.  And thankfully she was appropriately dressed in UGA colors so she could "represent" while our friends watched the game.

I've been thinking alot about what we were doing this time last year.  Fall always does that.  There's something about the slight chill & distinct smell (not that it at all smells the same here that it does in GA or TN) that lures you into remembrance.  This time last year we were having our "any day now" moment.  I was at my due date and like all pregnant women (with their first child, at least) I couldn't believe I didn't go into labor at 38 weeks.  But, I felt good and was actually savoring those final days of pregnancy.  I wasn't really feeling the "get this baby out of me" that so many women feel.  I knew I had no concept of how our lives would change...and I was enjoying what would be the last of lazy mornings, long dinners and having little "B" snug in my belly.

I know I'm going to say this a million times in the next 50 years....but, I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by.  And how many changes!  My daughter has already taught me so much about the impermanence of life.  If I'm not careful I can attempt to reach back and hold on to this time...or that time...and forget to live in and enjoy the moment we are in right now.  It's easy for me to miss being pregnant or miss having a snuggly little infant.  But no, there is too much "life" yet to be enjoyed.  And every day Zoë teaches me more about not grasping too tight to what "was" and embracing what "is".  And what "is" is a budding toddler with a world of personality and a million ways to make me smile.

Life is good...

Goodnight sweetheart...

Dear Zoë,

Now that you're sleeping like a real person...is it blasphemous to say that I miss you?  I check on you every hour or so until I go to bed.  And I can't believe how long you look sprawled out in your crib.  I made your daddy lower your mattress down a few weeks ago after a traumatic dream I had that you hurled yourself out of it.  But, no worries, you are safe from that now.  So finally after *several* nights of fussing and crying you have given in to the almighty power of sleep.  And no joke, you are sleeping a good 12 hours now.  Sometimes you wake for a 4am snack...but, for the most part you are just sleeping away the whole night.  So now here we are...all my wishes for sleep come true.  And I sit here...alone...missing you.

Love you,

Mama

Letter From the Editor

Dear Faithful Readers~

I am writing to ask forgiveness for my lack of posting and for keeping you in complete Zoë cuteness withdrawal.  I know I have become a dreadful dead-beat blogger and I chastise myself daily for it.  Our days have become filled with strolling, lunch with friends, trips to the park & zoo and running errands.  And, as usual, our nights are filled with crying, frequent waking and not enough good sleep.  We've been busy loving on friends and family...sharing good times and difficult times.  And subsequently I've let the days get away from me (only writing blog posts in my head while Zoë is having her usual 2am meltdown).  I have several unfinished posts that I'm going to work on over the next few weeks.  So keep an eye out in the coming days to see the lost archives of May & June.

And in the meantime, please accept this offering as a contrite token for my bad blogging behavior.

Zoë learns to crawl from Kit Hughes on Vimeo.

Yours truly,

Mama Laura

The Official Shoe of the Hughes Household

"For every pair you purchase, TOMS will give a pair of shoes to a child in need.

One for One."

Kit and I have become smitten with TOMS shoes.  I do hope you'll go to their website and check them out.  As the above quote states, they give a pair of shoes to a child in need with every pair that is purchased.  And they are way cute and comfortable to boot!  

Zoë's First Easter

We had a great Easter weekend in Paducah with the Hughes family.  It was Zoë's first visit to her daddy's homeland.  Here are some of my favorite pictures from the trip.  Love the ones of Zoë and cousin Sydney!  They are going to be fast friends one of these days.  Sydney is definitely crazy about "baby Zoë"!

5 Months

Dear Zoë,

This weekend you turned 5 months old.  We've had a very busy month visiting new places, friends and family.  I'm glad I am becoming more comfortable traveling and toting you around so that we can enjoy new things.  And now that it's finally warming up I am ready to get out of hibernation mode.  You really are such a sweet blessing...I'm having a blast sharing you with the ones we love.  

Unfortunately our nights are not as much fun as our days.  While you are such a happy, content and peaceful baby during the day...for some reason you have not yet gotten the hang of what nights are for.  You have been waking up crying every hour and a half to two hours every night for the past three weeks.  This sleep pattern coupled with all our running around has left me feeling a little like a walking zombie.

So since Mama is tired and lacking the words to talk about this month...I'm going to let the pictures speak for themselves.  Next month we'll be rested and back on track, right girl?

You & great-Narnie at the Northlake Ladies Retreat

Your first trip to the park/ride in a swing with the Hawkins kids

Hanging out with Trent

Still lovin' those feet

One of your favorite things to try and fit in your mouth (besides your feet)

The best (ok, only) way to do housework

Wearing your beautiful sweater made by Sarah P.

Spontaneous nap while Mama was getting ready

Working on "paci-training"

And the smile that convinces me that sleep is optional...

Love,
Mama

Perfect

Well, nothing appears to be wrong with the little miss.  In the pediatrician's words "she's perfect."  Good news, right?  Of course.  But, I do wish we had some kind of answer.  She said it *could* be teething...or maybe she really is waking up hungry.  She encouraged us to go ahead and start solids in the hopes of filling her up more during the day.  I was really hoping to delay that for another month.  So now I don't know...

At least she is starting to nap better and in her crib.  And although I'm quickly approaching a meltdown of cosmic proportions...really, it's hard to stay mad at one who looks so precious and happy when she wakes up from her naps.  Let's just translate it to nighttime now, ok Zo-baby?! 

What To Say*

Things You Shouldn't Say To A New Mother Who Isn't Getting Any Sleep...

1) "All my babies slept through the night at 2 weeks."

2) "If you put that baby in your bed she'll still be there when she's 3!"

3) "You're spoiling her by rocking her to sleep."

4) "I only got to sleep in until 9 o'clock this morning."

5) "Just let her cry."

Things You Should Say...

1) "I'm sure this is just a phase.  She'll be sleeping again soon."

2) "Maybe she's teething?"

3) "Call your pediatrician."

4) "This too shall pass."

5) "Would you like for me come over and take care of her while you get a nap?"

*Just for the record, we are entering a full week of disturbed sleep.  Zoë has been waking up every hour and a half on the dot all night since last Thursday.  I feel like I am slowly falling apart and I have no idea what is wrong with her.  She's so happy and playful during the day...I can't imagine that she's sick.  But, I'm taking her to the pediatrician tomorrow...because honestly, we can't continue like this.  Mommy & daddy need some sleep!

Still believing...

A year ago today I started this blog and wrote about how I was believing in miracles.  Our little one has come a long way...and her mommy has too!  Zoë came to us in God's perfect time.  She has restored my hope, changed my profession and caused my heart to grow to the point of bursting.  And it all started with this first glimpse... 

Zoë as a little 8 week bean 

Zoë as a happy, healthy, thriving 4 1/2 month old

Outtakes

Hello little baby...

Mmmmm...let's start with that arm

I always love me some baby toes

Now come on...how about some Penny lovin'

Oh yeah...that's the way I like it!

4 Months

Dear Zoë,

Today you are 4 months old!  We had another pediatrician appointment today and unfortunately you had to get another shot.  Oh how mommy hates that cry of pain!  Other than the shot the appointment went very well.  You are measuring 14lbs 3oz and 25in long.  Such a big and healthy girl!  The Dr. also said we can start feeding you cereal in the next few months.  She said to look for signs that you are ready and I think you are!  Just in the past few days you've started this chewing thing with your mouth.  You look kind of like a cow chewing cud.  It's so cute!  You are also sitting up very well in your Bumbo seat (which you love!).  But, I think I'm still going to wait another few weeks...because once we start feeding you solids there's no going back.

Now let's see, what have you been up to this month?  You've finally started to laugh...although you do not pass them out generously.  Oh no, you make us work hard for those sweet little giggles.  But don't get us wrong, we're willing to work!  You have also really found your hands and you love to hold on to them as well as shove them in your mouth.  I had to get a picture of you doing this because you look kind of like a worried little lady rubbing your hands together.  So cute!  You're also still drooling like a leaky faucet.  You rolled from your tummy to your back twice this month.  But I don't think you really knew what you were doing.  Both times you were screaming & crying and the rolls were more in a fit of rage than anything.  Your favorite form of talking these days is saying "hey".  Sometimes it's just a short little "Hey!" and sometimes it's a long drawn out "Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!"  that sounds something like a musical sigh.  And Zoë, you really are such a happy baby.  So content and smiley.

Well dear, your hair is falling out at an appalling rate these days.  Your Aunt Sonya calls it "baby-pattern baldness".  And what little you have remaining tends to lay flat on your head.  Gone are the days of my precious little spiky haired thing.  The picture below is right after your bath.  If I comb it all up it does this curly thing that looks just like your daddy's hair.  Too bad the curls don't last...it all ends up standing straight as a board when it dries.  Nevertheless, your daddy is still proud when it looks crazy like his and he gets sad when I point out little strands left behind in your swing or carseat.  

You still love to suck on that fist.  We thought you would have settled on one of your fingers by now.  But, oh no, it's the whole fist or nothing!  You've started to sometimes take the paci.  But not very often and by no means all the time.  I can usually only get you to take it if you're really sleepy or fussy.  Otherwise you'll just gnaw on it for a minute then spit it out.

And of course we need to talk about your sleeping.  Ah sleep...you sure do love it.  In fact, if I let you I think you would sleep the entire day.  But, I do not let you.  Per the pediatrician's advice I wake you up from naps in order to keep you on a good feeding schedule.  Plus, she seemed to think that maybe you weren't getting enough to eat during the day and that is why you were still waking up at night (I actually called her when you were going through your eating every 2 hours during the night phase).  Oh, did I not mention you're still not sleeping through the night?  Not in any sense of the phrase.  You still wake up pretty much every 4 hours to eat.  Even despite our best efforts to the contrary.  Another piece of advice the pediatrician gave us was to keep you awake during the late afternoon/early evening so that you would sleep longer at night.  And boy that has made for some fun times at our house...let me tell you.  Because did I mention how much you love to sleep (or should I say nap)?  So, during this time Daddy & I carry you around, bounce you, sing, give you a bath, and generally whatever we can think of to combat those falling eyelids of yours.  This tends to just make you fussy and look at us like, "Dude, just let me sleep already!"  And honestly it's not really working.  Like I said, despite all our efforts you still want to wake & eat about every 4 hours.

And speaking of our best efforts, we discovered Baby Einstein this month.  I had no idea how you would love it!  I found it on YouTube one night in a desperate attempt to keep you awake.  Being new to the world of Baby Einstein I did not realize how creepy it is.  But you were instantly mesmerized.  You went from fussy-whiny to zoned out as soon as the music started.  Whoever is making those videos totally knows what they're doing.  So we've added this to our repertoire of trying to keep you awake.

I've also decided that it's time to retire the swaddle.  I tried last month and it was not good.  You woke up so many times I decided it just wasn't worth it.  So we just keep you all wrapped up because it works.  People have told me that you would eventually bust out when you were done with it.  And it cracks me up that you don't.  You totally love your swaddle!  Even though your grandparents call it the "straight-jacket".  You actually get very grinny when I start wrapping you up in it.  But, I think it's time to start weaning you off of it.  Besides, you're about to outgrow all of the ones we have!

 

Watching you grow and change is at the same time amazing and heartbreaking.  I simultaneously love the baby you are now and miss the little thing you were a few months ago.  And I know this pattern will continue.  I so look forward to seeing who you are going to be when you start toddling and talking.  But, I can already feel the pangs of missing our lazy days with you content to cuddle in my lap or be snuggled close in your carrier.

But, sweet Zoë, this is exactly what we signed up for.  All of it.  The overwhelming moments of love, the mundane everyday tasks, the frustrating late night crying, and the ache of knowing you don't really belong to me and one day you will fly from my nest.  These are my spiritual lessons.  And God is continually using you to teach me.

Several of my friends who have also experienced the heartbreak of miscarriage had something they would tell me for comfort that I didn't fully get at the time.  They said that no matter how devastating losing their baby was...they couldn't imagine life without the child they were blessed with.  I now so fully understand what they meant.  You are such an angel to me.  I sometimes thank the little ones we had to lose for knowing you were exactly what we needed.

Love,

Mama

Birthday week

I had a fabulous birthday week with my family and friends.  It started with a night out with my girls, Lori & Kristen, on Tuesday.  We started with dinner at Leon's (a new restaurant started by the Brickstore guys).  When I arrived the girls had already snagged a fabulous tucked-away booth which the owners refer to as the "hot tub".  You know we were right at home! ;)  After a yummy dinner we headed over to Eddie's Attic to see Fred and his band play.  It's always fun & entertaining watching Fred put on his show.  Many thanks to daddy Kit for staying home with the girl so I could have a night out.  Too bad it takes 2-3 days to recover from a late night out these days...especially when it's followed by 2 middle of the night feedings.  Oh the sacrifices of living the rock 'n roll life...

Fred & His Georgia Girls *missing Lisa*

Thursday Zoë and I had a visit from Cindy & Trent.  They brought lunch & livened the place up with their energy.  Trent & Zoë don't yet know that they are destined to be together.  We'll let them figure that out on their own. ;)  And the weirdest thing is they both have a "strawberry" birthmark in the EXACT same place on their shoulder.  Trent's has almost faded now...but, isn't that funny?  I got the cutest pictures of them meeting for the first time.  How big does our girl look sitting up like that?  Trent agreed to pose & smile for the picture knowing he had a P,B & J sandwich waiting for him...

How cute are they??

Totally checking each other out...

On Friday we headed up to my parents' lake house (which is in Seneca, SC) for a relaxing weekend.  Mom & Dad were there along with a warm fireplace to welcome us in from the cold.  Sarah, Andy & Beth joined us on Saturday and we had a great day of small town shopping, good food eating and inside joke laughing.  Speaking of the small town shopping...have I mentioned how much I love small towns?  Sarah carried Zoë while we walked around the shops and without fail every one we went in the shop owner would come over, ooo and ahhh over Zoë and ask her name.  I couldn't help but comment how this NEVER happens in Atlanta.  Sometimes at the grocery store the checkout lady will smile and ask how old she is.  But really people just keep to themselves.  This is what I miss living in a big city...community.  But, I won't go on and on...this is another post entirely.  I'll just say I had a great weekend AWAY from the big city.  And I finally got some pictures of me & little Z.  I am always the one who pulls out the camera...so I've realized I have very few pictures of me & Zoë.  Good thing daddy Kit is brilliant with the camera.  These are a few of my favorites.

  

Here on my birthday I can't help but think of my own birth and what my mom went through to get me here.  I know now that a BIRTHday is as much about celebrating the mama as it is about celebrating the "child".  Thinking about my mom experiencing the same feelings, emotions, fears, excitement as I have felt with Zoë is very humbling.  I imagine her young, naive, brave, 24...as clueless as I am.  And I remember all the ways I took her for granted and hurt her with my words and ridiculous adolescent acts.  Thank you, mom.  I pray that I can mother Zoë the way you always mother me.  And I can only hope Zoë and I can one day be friends the way we are. 

Happy birthday me!

My Baby Daddy

My baby daddy is a...

nap sharing daddy

baby-wearing daddy

fingernail clipping daddy

baby charming daddy

And all around the best daddy a girl could hope for!